The scenes, and scenarios are exceptional and hold my interest. I would have really liked for you to go into more detail in the opening battle. It seems it went way too fast and each experience felt by Fawn only lasted an instant. With imagination the battle comes to life, but I feel I have to fill in a lot of the details to create a scene in my head.
“Whoa, slow down. Everything was working fine and they’ll be plenty of time to work out any bugs.” They'll should be 'there'll', or 'be' could be changed to 'have'.
I like Data's personality a lot. Through conversation you did a great job giving him a personality.
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| (3.5)
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