Very nicely done! I struggle a bit to find things to work on for improvement, so I just know, I have mostly praise for this work. You are a fantastic writer. I will offer you some advice that was offered to me once. Its tough advice, though very good (and situational, I feel).
First, one small note. I feel these sentences: "A crumbling tower spiraled up into the clouds; its black frame extending from the ground like the finger of a skeleton jutting through the earth. Struggling to escape from hell." could be combined into one easily by adding a comma between earth and struggle. Like I said, very minor, but fixable.
And, the advice that was given to me: try to not start sentences with the word it. The problem with the word "it" is that it is a nondescript pronoun. Sentences are singular thoughts. When you START the sentence with the word "it," you have nothing to reference back to.
For example: "...the odor was horrendous, I hated it."
In this example, you can clearly see that "it" refers to the odor. If we take a sentence where we start with it, there is no reference point.
Example (from your story): "It told him things, whispering in the dark between fireflies and campfire smoke."
In the example above, we have no idea what "it" refers to. What told him things? Yeah, we can look at the sentence before and know "it" refers to the song, but the point of "TRY(ing) not to start as sentence with it," you are forced to think of other, maybe better ways to start the sentence.
Lets take a look at a few more sentences you started with "it" and analyze them:
It would be best for both him and Rapunzel to be gone before they arrived.
It was no wonder the enchantress had trapped her here, keeping her beauty safe from unworthy eyes.
In both of these sentences, "it" refers to absolutely nothing.
Sometimes, you'll find something better, sometimes you won't. So, don't think that you can't start a sentence with "it," just remember, there are better ways to approach the sentence grammatically, each of which will almost always offer a much richer introduction to the sentence. To make an example, I'll try using your sentences above to make and not start with "it."
Her song was for him alone. The(ballad) told him things, whispering in the dark between fireflies and campfire smoke.
(Theodrick knew it would be best if him and Rapunzel) to be gone before they arrived.
(Theodrick did not wonder why the) enchantress had trapped her here, keeping her beauty safe from unworthy eyes.
Sometimes better, sometimes not, but it makes you analyze your work, never a bad thing.
Hope I helped. Don't think I'm picking on you, your writing is wonderful!
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