This story packs a lt of punch and intensity. There's a perfect amount of description without letting go of the gripping narrative. I think it would also make a great beginning to a novel where the hairless man could be explored in more depth. That was a creepy detail that put me on edge.
Very entertaining and easy to read. I liked the character descriptions very much. The story also had a dark feeling to it, sort of like a mystery or crime novel. Basically, it got my attention with the first paragaraph and didn't let go. The story balanced tension with intrigue while maintaining a strong plot. Great job and I look forward to chapter two.
I had never heard the phrase "helicopter parents." I thought that was very funny. Also, refering to Chester as a "pest" was very clever. I laughed at that. Overall, the story was very easy to read and enjoyable. The language was concise and I didn't have to read anything over and over to get the meaning. I appreciate that and I thank you for the wonderful story.
This story had a lot of depth. It transitioned from something lighthearted into something very dramatic quite smoothly. The ignorance of Clew and Zane was captured very well in the dialogue. Kathy's anger at both movers was something readers should be able to identify with, even though we don't know the exact reason at that point in the story. When we find out why Kathy is so mad at Clew and Zane, we feel for her, even though sympathy for the rich isn't a popular theme in modern society.
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