Very well-written thoughts in the poem, and a clear and concise way of saying them-- for prose. Reading the poem felt more like reading an essay, editorial column, or an article -- a very articulate one, though! I think you could share your thoughts even better, and to a wider audience, if you focused on trying to phrase things in poetry poetically. You're obviously a very good writer, but this just felt like reading linear prose with line breaks. Experiment with adjectives, turn of phrases, rhyming, the melodiousness and rhythm of the words when you write poems, and then you can put your already interesting message into a form that people will find memorable!
This is very sweet and loving, the words kind of beam in a very warm way! It's not exactly clear whether the speaker is talking to a lover or a daughter-- a daughter, I'm guessing??? -- but either way, the second stanza in particular was particularly lovely.
I like the tenseness of the lines-- the subtle changes in indentation really accented that, like a fluctuating heartbeat in an ER or something like that, and the terseness it creates is cool too. (What art exhibit inspired this? I get a modern art vibe from the poem, something with sharp angles and dark colours!)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chyertinova
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:24pm on Nov 28, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
