This is a nice comparison with onion. It is special how you have brought the onion to life!
The images are nice done, the issue fits the occasion.
First I have a remark; you have classified this item as 'poetry' and it is obvious that it is not poetry, I think you have to fix this issue.
Other suggestions
'Each layer is a layer more of a lie', it is better to say 'is more a layer of a lie.'
In 'Your mind at this layer wishes so much that it hadn’t happened' and ' the mind closes off and if you try hard enough it almost never happened.' there is some confusion, I think you should have a second look at it.
'the mind switches between thinking about him so much you could cry forever', here there must be a joint between ''so much' and 'could cry': thinking about him so much that you could cry forever'.
'One layer back towards a lie.' I think it is not correct, it is better as 'one layer retrogrades towards a lie' for example.
'the thoughts telling you, that you’ll never see him again', here there is no need for the comma between 'you' and 'that you'll'.
'and pretend his at home waiting for you', here it should be 'he is' not 'his'.
'He won’t be there to be 21, and he won’t be there to graduate', I think there is no need for the comma between '21' and 'and he won't'.
'celebrate Christmas, his gone', this must be 'he has gone'.
'so unbearable you try to pull back the layer' here also there is a need for a conjunction 'so unbearable that you try…'
'truly realise', it is 'realize'.
'the lie is hard to live but it’s easier than the pain', is a very nice expression but I think it is not correct, it can be for example, 'it is hard to live a lie, but it's still easier than pain'
'why can’t you be taken. Taken in your sleep, anything, but just taken' here it is not quite correct, I think it is better to say: 'why can't you be taken; taken in your sleep or at any time, but just be taken.'
'Your eyes glitter with pain but your smile says your fine.' Here it is 'your smile says you're fine' not 'your'.
'Some days the core pokes it way through all the layers', it should be 'Some days, the core pokes its way'.
As a whole, it is good and special work but there is some repetition of words such as 'layer', and also of thoughts especially that the idea of the essay is conveyed early.
However, the images you have created here are strong, as that of 'the band aid', 'layer of hope', 'tears'...
The mood of the poem is gloomy and pessimistic. It is very emotional and carries the confusion of the author to the reader through the confusion of thoughts and ideas, so, the pain reaches us.
It is very impressive how you have obtained this comparison with the onion layers.
There are many true and effective expressions that you have used, such as ' The feeling of the truth burns so intense'.
We see here layers of death, lies, smile, hope… all expressed in an effective way that touches us.
I wish that your dissection of the onion moves from the layer of hope and then transcends the layers of 'false smile' and 'lie' to 'true smile' in another good coming piece!
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