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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cjhanna84
Review Requests: OFF
81 Public Reviews Given
82 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I always give the good with the bad. I don't believe in berating an author, but I also don't believe in fluffing an ego. I give it to you straight, but I won't leave you with just what's wrong because you should know what's right too. I don't like the dragon/fairy/hobbit type of stories. I don't keep them on my bookshelves because I just don't enjoy them and I don't review what I don't enjoy. I'm generally a pretty thorough reviewer and do a job befitting the author. Why bother reviewing if you don't do it well? PM me for poetry, because for short projects (poetry and shorter Short Stories), I'm happy to review for less GPs than my minimum. The minimum given is generally for chapters and novellas. More if you need an entire novel reviewed (that's a lot of work).
I'm good at...
I know my grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. Years of AP English and an English-nazi for a mother has left me stuck with those skills, lol. If your writing is rife with these mistakes and I find myself stuttering over them, I'll point them out to you. Otherwise I'm not a snobby stickler about it. I'm also good with prose and styling. I'll give my suggestions on where you could possibly use these tools give more flair and description where I think it might fit as well.
Favorite Genres
Mystery/ Detective and Crime genre, Dystopian Fiction, Poetry, Some Romance/Drama
Least Favorite Genres
I hate fairies/dragon stories, not a fan of Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings type stuff and I won't review it. I'm also not one for reviewing erotic fiction. While I enjoyed 50 Shades, it's not something I generally review, especially when it's overt.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Chapters, Novellas, etc.
Least Favorite Item Types
Overly "emo" works. I'm fine delving deep into the emotional spectrum, getting introspective, but not a fan of overly dramatic "emo" type work. I'm also not a fan of overly erotic fiction works. They can be over the top and get uncomfortable quickly.
I will not review...
Magic/Fairy/Dragon type fantasy fiction, Star wars/Star Trek type fanfiction - sorry, I've always hated these kinds of stories. I'm not big on magic and wizardry, etc. I don't do over the top overtly erotic fiction either, love stories are fine, rated R even, but NC17 or X-rated stuff is not an arena I'm comfortable in giving my thoughts on.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Convict  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I'm a fan of free verse. It doesn't impose restrictions on the author and lets them just put down what comes into their head and so often, that's where the magic happens :) I liked your word choices. My favorite is the third stanza, it has great imagery and emotes well. Good job.


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Review of Acidic Tears  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good work. The repetition wasn't overdone, just enough to drive in the point and feeling of the piece. Great use of imagery and good flow. I liked that you were able to bring in politics and current events without making this feel like a preachy piece which is very often done and those aren't enjoyable to read, but this was. Good job.


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3
3
Review of The Zombie Diner  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is funny. I liked it. Ordinarily, it's not my kind of thing, but I got a kick out of it. You took the prompt and gave it an interesting spin. The flow was good and kept me reading. I just randomly came across this and wasn't going to stay, but your words got me to read and I'm they did. Good job :)


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Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this. It's not quite a story, not quite a poem per say, its all of its own. You played with words here and created emotion and feeling with them, painted pictures and experiences, and after all, that's the best thing we can do with our words: give glimpses of the world in our heads to those who live outside of it. I'm like you, until joining WDC, no one ever even knew I wrote. You have promise and I'm glad you've chosen to share your words.


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5
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Review of Last Train  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I actually really like the imagery here. It's not super teenaged angsty, as your tagline prepared me for. Instead, I see this person standing on the train platform, I see the dark sky and feel what it emotes. Great job. I like how you've created a new character in each stanza and the characters are strong enough to star in their own piece, but instead you have them all share the spotlight equally. Very interesting work. I don't really have any suggestions for this as I honestly like it as it stands.
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Review of Body  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this. I like the way you play with words, the difference tools you use to paint a picture, overall an even flow. A few places where there are hiccoughs in the flow, but it's not so awkward or encumbering to keep the reader from continuing. My only real suggestion is a half question-half suggestion. Initially I thought maybe you were going ee cummings style and refraining from punctuation, but I see you do have a few commas and question marks. So was it intentional to not use them at first? Did you change your mind later? Otherwise you're missing some. For instance, the second sentence in the first stanza should read: Outside this, a plain countenance certainly does not betoken. -- without the initial comma, the reader doesn't know where the pause belongs until they've read it two or three times to be sure.

Cheers,

Chris


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Review of Whirling  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This pulled me in to want to know more. I feel as though the mannequins taunting her, but why? Are there internal feelings she's struggling with? Is it about body image? Seeing all the perfect images in the mall, giving her self doubt? Or does the mall of nothing to do with it? Maybe it's deeper and she's done horrible things and she can't handle the way it's left her feeling.

Your poem and made me thing and left me with many questions. I think as a writer, it's good to make your readers thing. My only suggestion would be to maybe let the reader in on a little more detail. You pulled me in with deep imagery, but then left me feeling questionable in a superficial place like a mall.

I liked this piece, I just want to know more!

Cheers,

Chris


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8
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Generally, I'm used to prologues being at least a page. You might want to lengthen this a bit. Be careful with punctuation errors as they make the reader stutter, sometimes having to re-read the sentence to fully comprehend it. You also had a missing word in the last sentence. I think it's possible that this could hook someone, I can't say I'm not intrigued, but it needs a little work to enhance it. I understand not wanting to give everything away because that defeats the purpose, but at the same time, this does run a little short. Expand and edit and I'll be happy to read it again for you :)


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Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting read. This is, no doubt, from the heart and you're writing as it comes to you, as you feel it. I like that. Sometimes when people write about a feeling, they water it down to make it safe for the eyes and understanding of others. While others can feel empathy at times, not all things about the way we feel can or will be understood by everyone, so I like that you didn't take stock in trying to appeal to some greater audience. For me, this poem tells me that someone has never felt love, has been so guarded, that they've never allowed themselves to feel it and they wonder if that sort of existence, existing in a lack of existence, is as painful as actually getting hurt. The end of the poem suddenly turns and makes me see this as someone on their deathbed now regretting that choice. With death knocking, does this lack of love hurt as badly as if I'd been hurt by love a thousand times?

It makes me think and I really like that! I like when something taps into the cognitive areas of my brains. So good job there :)


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Review of Encante  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Again, I enjoy your ability to relay details of the world you're creating with great description and imagery. I write this way as well because I like to paint the picture I see in my head for others to read, so when I read the works of others doing the same, I'm always pleased :) Part of the beauty of writing to me, is the power of a little prose to make a world that is slightly better than our own; richer in color and detail. I applaud your ability to bring that richness to your storytelling. My only suggestion would be to say "fifteen to twenty minutes" or "twenty minutes or so." In writing it with the dash, it halts the reading experience and makes my mind change gears to a scientific paper. I'm sure this is partially because I am a scientist and have had to read and write MANY of them!! Despite this, it's still an impediment, a switch from rich prose to harsh mathematics. Otherwise, again, you have a lovely story beginning and leave your reader wondering, "what will happen next?" Which is always the goal!

Cheers,

Chris


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Review of Resolving  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this piece. I have a soft spot for old forms of music. I love my vinyl collection and nothing really sounds the way it does on a record player. That being said, I also have a love affair with classical pieces and I love listening to a piano sonata and letting it temporarily allow me to transcend my circumstances. Music always transports me to former times and places and experiences. I feel like this phenomenon was captured in your prose :)


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Review of Burning  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really liked this. A lot. The style was staccato and chaotic and I should hate the lack of organization, but that's exactly what I loved. You even talked about things I didn't understand (forums and flavor shots and such), but I didn't care because I was engrossed. I didn't expect your "No." at the end, but it was sadly perfect.

I found one typo: "holding on each other." I believe this should be "holding onto each other."

Otherwise, as I said and in a word - fantastic.

Cheers.


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Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your premise is interesting and your last line is wonderful. It's a key to what will be unfurled in future chapters, hinting at greatness destined for Morning Sun and the word choice was fantastic. With that being said, I feel like you rushed the chapter. I'd have liked to see you slow it down some and really describe things to me. Tell me where I am, what I'm seeing. I get having mystery, not wanting to give everything away. That is fine and expected, but I do at least want to know a little more. It's a tricky balance, I know! I struggle with it myself!

Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers :)


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Review of Sad but True  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Nice twist. You have good phrasing as well. You did a good job at bringing the twist and keeping it unexpected. I knew something bad would come through the door, but I didn't know what and I didn't expect that he'd turn out to be one of the dangerous.

Bravo :)


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Review of Invitation  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I'm definitely interested to see where you take this story. You've changed it so drastically, aside from personality quirks and names, that it could honestly be a different story. Who knows, you may decide to go with the inspiration of this piece and expand it into a completely new story all your own, since it pretty much is just that already :) Aside from a few typographical errors and punctuation mishaps, I don't see a whole lot of problems. You're doing a good job and most importantly, you're keeping your reader intrigued :)


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Review of Meeting  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like you writing from Alice's point of view. Seeing through her quirky eyes is funny and you do her justice. You brought her bubbly and easily excitable nature through very clearly. You also captured Emmett's man-child personality quite well. Good job.

I know you've been reading my story, The New Order, but reading this, I think you might like the other novel I have posted, The Mixtape Diaries. It might give you something to read while I pump out more chapters with Blue ;) lol, plus I'm always up for feedback. Either way, I like your take on this story.


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Review of Alice  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You've given the story an interesting take and I like your choices in phrasing. You have a few points of an introduction of a clever turn of phrase. You show intelligent humor. Both in this chapter and the last. You do leave me wondering about her mother though and where she is. Is she in Phoenix? Is she in Forks? Where is her mom? No one is visiting her except for the Cullens. Perhaps you plan for me to find out soon...


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18
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Review of A Winter's Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like your prose, the endearing way you paint the picture of the cold weather of winter hitting your cheeks and stinging your skin. The piece shows promise and talent, but I noticed a few points of repetition where you may want to edit it. You use flawless in both the first stanza and the second, but rather than using it as a repetitive literary device, it feels more accidental. You may want to try a replacement for one of the uses: maybe impeccable? Unblemished? Maybe consummate or unerring? Maybe also find a replacement for the word kisses in the third stanza. It'd feel more like a literary device here if you were using the same phrasing, winter's kiss, each time like the chorus in a song, but instead it feels like random repetition. Maybe here you could say nipping pecks or even play of the sweet with the harsh, a stinging caress?

Anyway, I really like the piece and the direction you went. You painted a picture very well. The two spots of repetition are really my only suggestions :)

Bravo!


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Review of The Ice Queen  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wonderful imagery, lovely prose. You keep a pretty even tempo and manage to paint the picture you're trying to tell. I see both pictures, the literal ice queen sitting alone in her palace of lonely ice, but also the metaphor for the girl freezing people out to protect herself. Good job :)


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Review of Spectrum of Color  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Everyone knows the back and forths you get with love. No one signs up for it, but we all end of getting it anyway, lol. You do a great job in accomplishing the frenzied feeling of hating to love someone. Kind of wanting to be able to give it up and walk away but wanting to stick it out and see how it turns out at the same time. Too bad we can't flip to end in real life and see what happens sometimes huh? Good job, keep writing :)


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Review of Wind blessing  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the flow and tempo of your piece. It delivers a sweet message. It's not heavy, just light and fun and sweet. I appreciated the message you were trying to get across. Sending off someone you love, wishing them well and hoping for safety, but looking forward to when they'll come back to you. I like it :)


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22
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Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Comical and light-hearted. It's good to see the lighter side of poetry. Often times poetry is used to express the darker side of emotions. Comedy can be a refreshing break, but is usually reserved for short stories. It's nice to see it expressed in a short and enjoyable format :)


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Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Heartbreaking story. You have a talent for aptly describing your scene and bringing in your reader. My only criticism would be to maybe swap the order of the two characters telling of the story. By telling Caroline's first, I kind of felt that the story had been given away. Hers has more finality, with both of them being gone. So I feel that it may flow better in the reader's mind to hear James first. But it was a very well-written piece. Good job.


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Review of Head Trip  Open in new Window.
Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting premise. There are definite possibilities here. I'd suggest doing a little research on neurotransmitter reactions to lend some additional realism to your story. Obviously nothing requiring a PhD, lol, but some basic knowledge of drug interaction and NT release and effect could really help lock in the possibility of your premise really happening which can further draw the reader into your world :) Good luck!


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25
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Review by CJHanna84 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wonderful writing. Your descriptive flair painted the picture perfectly. The reader sees the setting, feels the nuances of fear and intrigue. Your initial ending shows the sentimentality and human empathy possible in soldiers, even in the worst of situations. That not all who follow orders wish to do so. Your alternative ending is just as appealing. Without the humanity of the solider, Jerome still finds an alternative happiness; a lovely eternal rendezvous with his love. Bravo. Keep writing :)


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