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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/clairevoyance
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Review by C. Culeah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really, really like this. There's something about the eeriness of mourning a loved one so deeply that their presence begins to feel palpable. You managed to convey how much this grandmother meant to this specific family with few details. A rare gift. I loved the mood you set with this solitary car ride in the dark. Sometimes being alone in a vehicle is the one space where people allow themselves to truly process their lives. I thought you captured that very well.

I also loved how the story flowed easily into supernatural territory. When Bishop sees his grandmother in the backseat, there was no "Duh, duh, DUUUUUN!" moment. The creepiness of such an appearance wasn't shoved down the reader's throat. It felt subtle. You smoothly transitioned the story back into the ordinary world as well, without losing the effect of the supernatural. Well done.

Some issues I noticed included a few proofreading errors. "Threw" ought to be "through". "Uncharistically" should be "Uncharacteristically". Watch out for areas where there is too much use of the passive voice. There were a few times when Bishop's decisions and conclusions weren't entirely clear. What decision he made regarding faith feels a bit confusing. How does he know that he's not the first to be haunted by a grandmother? How does he know for a fact that he wasn't supposed to make it home? Some clarification or expansion on this would help complete the picture of his experience.

Thanks for sharing this story. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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