I love your prose. The story is detailed and enthralling, and you keep to your characters i.e. the protective older brother, amazed younger brother, entrapped Santa. I really like how you foretell the impending doom by making the laughter of such a stereo typically happy character fade to dismal melancholy before any explanation is given.
This tale is very creative, and offers a witty explanation for why so few believe anymore. I do wish there were more detail about the characters' appearance or the environment, but otherwise, I'm in love with this.
You're poem is very effective and easy to relate to. Not in the ghost sense, but pertaining to the guilty conscience, particulary when averting one's eyes from those in need.
I really like the flow, especially how you began most of the stanzas with 'John Lennon picture this', I think it adds effect. I like it as a poem, but as a song, the ryhming would seem more free flowing and catchy, especially with a nice, repetitive acoustic tune in the back round, something Like Lennon's 'Love' or Emerson, Lake, and Pamer's 'C'est la vie'.
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