This is very good. A perfect way to start a novel. Please finish this and make sure it's dark with good moments shining through like this beginning is. I like that you showed the momma's flaws. It shaped the main character. You can see it by your vivid writing. Keep this up!
I like your subject matter. It has a great story potential. I think you need to rewrite it and give it more minute by minute detail like you did in the Stewie and Brian for President story. Your a great writer and have a vivid imagination.
I think you had a little trouble keeping it in the past. Can't put castle and house in same paragraph talking about same dwelling. But, I could see what you were getting at, Abuse was just as revelate back then as it is today. Same problems, different centuries.
It was a good subject to write about.
Highly entertaining. I wanted to give it a 5 but couldn't because all the "like" s were slightly distracting in the first part of the story. I would never have guessed they were fleas. The ending was unexpected, which is a good thing. I was imagining this world as I was reading, which indicates imagination in spades.
You have a very good imagination, and an impressive knowledge of space related facts. This will make a highly entertaining read. I do think it is a little dry in the character department. It could use a little humanizing and softening up instead of just being tactical.
I am a fan of family guy. The author captured Stewie and Brian perfectly. It was very entertaining. If I didn't already know who wrote it, I would have thought it was an actual script from the show! You should send this to the tv show in script format. It could very well become a show episode.
This could have benefited from another re-write. It needed spell-checking. Also, use of same word twice in one sentence (ex: your reach for you. Leave out your and it will work just as well. Might help to have someone proof it first.
I haven't given many 5's, but this story deserves it. The writer wasn't afraid to tackle a sensitive subject. It was well thought out and well written. The characters was roundly fleshed out. You could feel the sickness dripping out of the villian, and compassionate about the main character. The ending, being two years passing by, was brilliant. You actually felt the desolation and humiliation the boy felt as he knocked on his mother's door. I will not pass a missing child poster without thinking of this story.
A well-written story. The character was flawed but was still a sympathetic person. The ending was a bit predictable. When the phone ring, I knew who it'd be. Still, it brought a tear to my eyes.
I loved the subject matter and especially the ending. He captured the essence of a child and how they drama everything and ask questions you don't even believe they're thinking. I took off a half point for the big words feel in the first half, but the last half, perfect!
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