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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/coffeedmon
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3 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of A Day in a Life  
Review by coffeedmon
Rated: E | (4.0)
You did a great job of conveying grief, anger and love, and developed place, time and characters so that the reader can "be there". However, I didn't get the impact that would make Jack feel his grandfather was "the greatest man I've ever known", or "ever will". They fished, they philosophized, and grandpa shared his wisdom, but something really remarkable in their relationship was left unexplored. To me, a bit more motivation for Jack's feelings would be more powerful - although that might also be at odds with the quiet theme you established. Overall, it flows well, maintains interest, and has some excellent imagery.
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Review by coffeedmon
Rated: E | (4.5)
An amusing analogy that can be enjoyed from any political point of view. Most of the comparisons are clever and bring to mind entertaining pictures of a little world of chattering squirrels, bumbling elephants and noble donkeys engaged in familiar events. I think you could expand on this and provide wider commentary on world events. My only suggestion for improvement is that the ending needs a bit of embellishment or closure - has everything poured into a river of political pus? What will this mean to the forest, and is hope enough? :)
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