Your writing here is overall really good. This piece really reminds me of my own dad and his relationship with my brother. I personally always have the time to "face ghosts" with my dad, but I can't say the same about my brother... I'll have to show him what you've written here because I think it's pretty powerful. Thanks.
Lovely. Though this is beautiful in it's simplicity, I wish that there was more to it! The writing style is beautiful and the form you follow is pretty darn perfect. The first two lines are captivating, and the sounds those words make together are music. Keep up the good work!
Haha, you went from a fairly low mark to a good one with that last line. The humor it brought forward was perfect, way to play on my emotions like that, it really worked out well.
The only thing I see that's missing here is a comma after the word "damn."
Hahaha, this is hilarious, I love old man stereotypes, they pretty much explain my grandpa in a nut-shell.
The way you tied the beginning to the end was marvelous strategy. I don't know what it is about pieces that have that aspect to them, but I think it's beautiful.
This is just beautiful in it's simplicity. It's short but it has power behind it, and you did well with the rhyme scheme and the line syllables. I would've formatted with a darker or a more "dim" color though. The green looks nice, but it also reminds me of a happy, healthy earth... it just doesn't seem to fit.
This is beautiful and encouraging. It's always nice to be reminded that life isn't always a race, and that we should really just take pleasures in being yourself, and choosing what success is to you... because that's where we find our true selves; not living by other people's rules.
As this begins I'm filled with so much hope, I feel inspired that there are still people out there like me. Honest, hopeful, genuine and promising. It was incredible and I was definitely a little upset at how this ended as a protest against abortion, but that's using your appeal to emotion in an incredible way.
You did well, and even though I was disappointed at the end, and I don't necessarily agree about abortion- I gave you a five, because it is well written- and when it comes to morality... who really knows which one of us is right?
This was really good, but I did find a few errors of missing words, not to mention substituting "are" with "r" and "you" with "u" is pretty distracting and makes it hard to take this seriously, and the same thing goes for the random capitalized words.
This is awfully cynical, I too have always been somewhat intrigued by the darker sides of life- mostly in the arts though, I must say.
The only think I would've done differently is repeated the last two lines earlier in the poem. I feel as though that would've made the point a bit stronger, right now the last little bit makes this poem feel as though its been cut off short. Maybe repetition would help?
This is truely immaculate- I must add it to my favorites.
I'm a sucker for a good poem, and being that you did this so well I'm captivated by it; the rhyming and the syllables are absolutely perfect. Keep up the good work! I'll definitely be checking out some more of your stuff.
This is so sad, a once close friend of mine lost her baby a few years ago, and the sadness I know she must feel is unimaginable. I think you're going through the worst pain someone can go through.
This was beautiful. I really liked the lines "I know that I can say, That God is holding you."
I love the repeated line in this, and how it changes from "I can survive" to "I will survive" in the very last verse.
I would've liked to see more of this in terms of metaphor, for such a deep issue I was hoping you'd have more to say about it, but over all this is a job well done.
Wow this really touched me in a way I can't even begin to explain. I've loved and I've lost, it's obvious you have too.
The first and last paragraphs are my favorite, especially the lines: "To be the smell that touched me so deeply/ To be that hope that left me so quickly?"
I love the contrast between the feeling of nature and the comfort of living with the rest of society, in a place thats wonderous and magical in a sence, but also comes with a back-handed bitch slap to the earth as a price.
I love this so much, it reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven." If that's what you were going for, then mission accomplished.
One think you could work on is how many syllables you add to each line, there are a few places within this poem where the flow gets a little disrupted due to that.
This makes me want to cry. Both my brother and my dad have borderline personality disorder (my dad's especially is really bad.) I'm sorry you have to live with this, and I really hope you learn to manage this in a healthy way eventually.
It's not an easy thing to deal with at all, and I only know from second hand experience. At least with your illness you've been gifted with the ability to write breathtaking poetry.
A heart wrenching story. I think we've all encountered people like this in our lives, and the sad thing is that we're powerless until the person decides for themselves they need to do something different. As hard as it is to fully understand how this man could just sit around and destroy himself, when people are in such pain like that its so easy for them to give up. We all live and die. Nobody escapes from pain, and at least its over for him now.
Just one thing though, you spelt acetaminophen wrong... and acetaminophen IS Tylenol.
I wish I wrote this. The references, the repitition you used, the rhyme scheme. Everything is perfect, this is absolutely incredible.
Your the first person I've become a fan of on here, and the first person to absolutely wow me. I don't feel so bad for handing out such "low scores" to some of the other people I've reviewed on here now. You have a beautiful mind, something I'm sure you've constructed from folded pages of hardship and heartbreak.
This reminds me of my mother. If this is what you really taught your kids, you've done your job well. I'm proud of who I am and I thank none other than my momma bear.
I know you're scared but your children will do just fine. They have what they need to know, and If I could speak for them I'd say thank you.
Alright, don't be discouraged by such a low score, you're doing well. I just have to take a few off because of an error:
“Hey don’t worry,” should read "Hey, don't worry"
Also, the beginning two paragraphs are out of place... or at least they seem out of place. Are you meaning to jump back in time after that? If you keep those two in past tense, and change the rest to present tense you'll improve this DRASTICALLY.
Again, sorry if the score's a little low. I'm new to this site, you're actually the first person I've reviewed, so I might be being a little hard on you- I'm used to published novels and short stories after all.
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