I liked the story. The dialogue was very nice and cute!
I'd just like to say a few things concerning cosmetics and the such. You used the symbol '&' in place of and, which only is really used in proper nouns and stuff. It's not used to replace 'and' in every single instance. Also, you didn't indent, which made it a little hard to read.
There was only 1 consistency error I found. When comparing Monica's father to Monica, you said that her hair was blonde, but then later said her hair was black.
But as far as the actual story went, I enjoyed it quite a lot! The dialogue between the characters was very cute and the characters were pretty consistent in their personalities. I hope you wright more!
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