I believe it's never too late, especially for love. I like this because it's a reminder to hold on to the good things in our lives, despite what society tells us. Not all dolls look the same, so it's okay to love who we choose to love. I understand though; when I was fourteen I gave my heart to a young man who lived across the country from me. He loved everything about me except my looks - I wasn't the porcelain doll or the cookie cutter, so I wasn't good enough. It broke my heart and I don't think I've ever fully recovered. I'm in my thirties now. All this to say that I relate, both to the lost love, the aging, and the wish that you had said and done all those things years ago when the moment was right.
I found this to be an insightful look into Jane Austen's life, and at the same time it has a light-hearted feel. I can tell just by the style how deeply you respect Ms. Austen and her work. I like the information given, but you hint that it wasn't confirmed. I just really like this a lot. And wallpaper? I never would have guessed that wallpaper would have had arsenic in it. Fascinating.
I love this. It reminds me of freedom, and the feeling that nothing can tie us down unless we let it. I really don't have much to critique here. I usually don't like repetition, but I love the way you begin with a sort of cadence, then break the poem into something completely new. It's so creative. Great work.
I really like this piece. I like the metaphor of the ship on the horizon, and the way a simple game of catch reconnects this woman to the rest of human life. I think a lot of us feel that way sometimes, like we're disconnected from the world. My only critique is that there are a few grammar issues, like an extra comma here and a couple of words that could be trimmed out. But overall, the piece is just great.
This is a lovely way to honor someone. Our soldiers deserve the utmost respect, especially those who give their lives in the line of duty. I also like that you included an image at the end. It felt even more sentimental. I hope no one ever forgets this young man. He sounds so brave. Great work!
I like this so much, the prosaic style of the poem is beautiful. I like the way you draw the reader in with the mystery of the boxes and the nostalgia of the yellowed envelopes. I found this piece enthralling, especially the aspect of finding oneself. Great work!
This is a sweet piece. It reminds me of spring, when cottonwood fluff is floating through the air. It does feel a bit unfinished, as most of the poem is in rhyming couplets until the last line. If that was intentional, like symbolism, then I like it. If it wasn't intentional and it was just meant to end there, then it feels jarring and doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. Other than that, I like this poem. It's a refreshing, peaceful piece.
I think you do have an interesting idea for a story. If you cleaned up the language a bit, it might be more enjoyable to read. Using the same cusswords every other line doesn't add character, it makes your character seem lazy. He (or she) could use any word in the English language and instead they're cussing like crazy. Characters should be relatable, so maybe try to bring out something in your main character that everyone can feel and relate to. I do see something unique and interesting in your idea. I think with less off-putting language it would bring the humor to the fore and would be a funnier story.
I like playing with poetic form myself and I always enjoy seeing something new. This was a lot of fun to read. I felt sad for the dragons, and could almost smell the salt in the air from the sea. I enjoyed this piece a lot. I think my only critique would be that "-ing" words suck the power from a line, but other than that I love this poem. Great job!
This made me laugh. I like this a lot. My favorite part: "sockses." Normally I'm a stickler for grammar rules and spelling but the fun in poetry is the creative license. I love how you changed the word to match "foxes" but it's somehow...cute. I just found the whole piece enjoyable on the whole. And relatable! Great job!
I like the descriptive dialogue. I think the piece could use some more exposition. I would like to see the room, feel the crackle of tension in the air between the characters. I would like to know the names of these two people. A name adds depth, just by itself. Even a story this short can have deep characters. Give me some quirks. The deeper you make your characters right from the start, the better your story and the quicker your readers will be drawn in. I do like the lesson at the end; don't just drop everything and go chase a fun time. Life is about balance. Good job.
This is beautiful. I like the imagery used here, especially the juxtaposition of the silent world and waiting for the stone to speak. I love that part. My only critique would be that "-ing" words are weak and suck the punch out of a line. If you tweak those, the action of the water would be stronger in the reader's mind, the sensation of love in an embrace would be stronger. Otherwise this is an exceptional piece. Great job!
I love this. The way you weave bathroom humor into beautiful language is superb. Beautiful craftsmanship. I am so impressed. This is one of my favorite pieces because it's both funny and well-written. I usually find something to critique and I'm struggling to find anything at this point. Great job!
I like the idea of the drums and the mystique of the dreams both women shared. I think your exposition is done very well, but there is a lot of it. I would suggest cutting some here and there because while the story does flow, it moves rather slowly. In order to keep a reader going there needs to be that tension, that sense of conflict. I think it needs a bit more of that. Right now it doesn't feel tense, which makes me wonder why I need to care what happens here. And I want to care. I want to be drawn into Rebekah's story. Good effort and definitely keep writing! You have something here that with a little tweaking, could definitely be great.
This starts out humorous and then ends with a sad note and I love the journey in between the two. The flow is quick and really well done. I enjoyed this a lot. I laughed out loud at the part where your mom threw the pillow. I think my only critique would be that "-ing" words sap the power from a line, so my suggestion would be to tweak them a little bit, but that's all. I love this. Great job!
This is a sweet story. I like the idea of using lavender honey in peach cobbler, and the overall feel of the story is very homey. I would encourage less name use and more pronouns; there's no need to remind the reader that Uncle Paul is speaking every time he speaks. I'd also like to see some body language, like stroking a mustache while he thinks or tapping a table top, something that communicates how he feels without overtly stating it. All in all, this was nice. Great job!
Your exposition is good but I felt that the beginning is missing a hook, something that draws the reader in and piques the curiosity. If the initial few paragraphs aren't so interesting I feel the need to keep reading...well, I won't keep reading. I think if you cut your first few paragraphs and begin with your first line of dialogue, then insert the exposition elsewhere, your story would benefit greatly. Your dialogue is good though and your characters are pretty well done. Keep writing :)
Gosh where do I begin? I love your descriptions. "Sewer of a soul" and "marshy mind" are just wonderful, because they evoke great imagery and the alliteration just makes it even better. "Better to be bored than bruised, I say" is another great line. It's got depth and punch. It makes the reader think.
My only one critique is that "-ing" words suck the power out of a line, so I personally would tweak those, but on the whole I love this piece. It's dark. It's emotional. It's beautiful.
I like the characterization of Ed. He's not super scary until the end though, which I like. The last two lines are chilling, especially since he seems pretty quiet throughout the dialogue. My only real critiques are that I would like to see some more tension, maybe between the two characters. I don't get a sense of conflict and that makes it difficult to be drawn into the story. I also notice a repetition of the line "all six feet and six inches of him" which is unnecessary. State it once and the reader will understand that he's extremely tall. The later reference to his large frame being too big for the sofa was enough of a reminder. Actually I would like to see him doing something with his hands, maybe drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, instead of just sitting still in the car. All in all I think this is a really good introduction. It does give the feel that more of a story is coming and I like that. I want to know more about Ed and why I should care about his particular character. He becomes very interesting by the end of the piece. Those last two lines are a great cliffhanger. Good job!
Odes to the need to write are always special to me. I love reading about why we do what we do, slave over the page. I think this is really good. I like the mention of slam competitions. Those are so much fun!
My only real critiques would be that -ing words tend to take the power out of a line. My suggestion would be to tweak those a bit and maybe tighten up the flow so it's a bit smoother. Reading it aloud, the flow is a bit off.
But other than that, I really enjoyed this piece and of course my critiques are subjective. I love bringing poetry into everyday life and I think you did that really well.
I love your imagery. I do get a real sense of the struggle within this person to write into a journal, but that her imperfections are holding her back.
I would have liked to see a little more subtlety in the images presented. I feel I'm being told a story but I want to be shown. If she pauses, what are her imperfections? Another thought I had is that words ending in "-ing" remove the power from the line, so maybe restructure those a little bit so they have more punch.
But it's definitely emotional and definitely relatable. I go through the struggle myself when sitting down to write in a journal. I like this piece a lot.
I like this. I'm a great fan of poems and acrostics are so much fun. I enjoyed the way you used the word as your theme.
I did feel that the lines could be shortened in order to improve the rhythm and flow of the poem, but other than that I think it's a really great piece.
However, the phrasing of "three whistles scuttled" is odd because a whistle has no legs and can't actually scuttle. Mother should be capitalized, and there should be quotation marks around the last line to indicate it's dialogue.
I like the tension of the thrill of being caught, even though you don't specify what it is they're doing that could cause them to be in trouble. For all we know, they could just be watching Netflix or doing needlepoint. I like that it's left to the reader's imagination. Not everything should be explained in a story and you did that really well.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cosine213
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 8:48am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
