Format This is a pretty good Ethere. I like your choice of title which is supported clearly by the content.
[b}SUGGESTION: Create 1 to 3 more stanzas and invert your syllable count in the second or the second and fourth stanzas. That may prove to be very fun for you and might strengthen your piece.
Overall, I truly enjoyable read.
Reviewed by Charles
Proud Big Brother for:
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I would like to express to you how grateful I am to know people like you exist. Not only are you a wholesome person, but a true patriot.
Surely my Brothers and Sisters In Arms would feel the same way. That is why I have forwarded your work to some other Airmen that appreciate writing as I do. Some are currently deployed and others are getting ready (like me).
I have served almost 11 years and was just recently promoted "Invalid Item" . I have deployed and will be deploying again in Jan/Feb 08.
Please keep doing what you do. It does make a difference.
I will be reviewing your work ""Timeless Revenge" - Poem".
Overall Impression:
Format – 1 stanzas,12 lines - Freewrite
Content: This poem is about the revenge of man. It is depicted as an emotional card game between partners. Nice job.
Pluses +
This piece has all the makings of a strongly emotional poem. You captured the images of deceit beautifully. FAVORITE LINE: "Your short lived strike had beat me down But time itself will not heal your wounds." - Oh, someone’s in trouble!
Overall, I felt this piece was brilliant. Write On!
I really enjoy reading your work.
Reviewed by Charles
Proud Big Brother of:
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I will be reviewing your work "Just a Little Thought".
Overall Impression:
Format – 8 stanzas. Each line is very smooth. Stanza 4 "Dont" should be don't or do not. I think your title is interesting, but the thought of love is far from little.
Content: This is a poem about the writers thoughts on what love is. Good job.
Pluses +
This is a beautiful poem with great emotion. FAVORITE LINE: "Love they say is a science of the soul",
- this set the tone for your entire piece. Nice!
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. Your expression of thoughts and feelings is very moving. I have a great appreciation for your point of view. Write On!
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Reviewed by Aries King
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I will be reviewing your work "Broken Soul Watching From the Sidelines".
Overall Impression:
Format – 8 stanzas & 3 lines. Rhyming free write. Each line flows very smoothly. Stanza 4, lines 4 & 5 are confusing - could be reworded to make one line. Outstanding tone!
Content: This is a poem about "feeling lost and alone. About a girl desperately searching for answers". Very well done.
Pluses +
This is a beautiful rhyme scheme with great emotion. FAVORITE LINE: "Am I aesthetically Pleasing
Or just pathetically Appeasing?" - this set the tone for your entire piece. Good job.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. Your style is smooth and refreshing. I love rhyme that works well and you made that happen. Write On!
If you have any questions about WDC, feel free to let me know. Once again, welcome and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Reviewed by Aries King
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Format – 1 stanza (13 lines). Upon review of your syllable count, I assume you did a freewrite. Each line flows very smoothly. Line 10 - "chose" should be "choose". Each line begins with caps except line 13. Very unique.
Content: This is a poem that defines "an indefinite feeling of debility or lack of health often indicative of or accompanying the onset of an illness". However, this condition is created by the writer and does not specify the physical problem. Therefore, the reader is left with his/her own experiences to relate to this piece. Very well done.
Pluses +
The poem is very crafty and tugs at my imagination. Your style and word usage are key to making this piece successful. FAVORITE LINE: "The physical pain can never match the emotional sting" - here is where you support your title and stare eye to eye with the reader. Good job.
Overall, I thought this was a great write. However, I would suggest removing the caps from each line. Perhaps centering your lines on the page would provide a nicer touch to an already fantastic piece of poetry.
If you have any questions about WDC, feel free to let me know. Once again, welcome and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Reviewed by Aries King
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Format – 3 stanza's (4 lines, 4 lines, 5 lines). Upon review of your syllable count, I am not sure of your form. Each line flows very smoothly. I found no spelling or grammar errors.
Content: This is a poem about "the give and take in relationships". A beautiful girl having to deal with her deepest emotions. Having made a choice to be completely open in a relationship, only to have her heart ripped apart by a selfish "love"er. Extremely heartfelt piece.
Pluses +
The poem plucks at my emotional strings. You write with such a pain. Either from experience or observation. Each line provides a different level of feeling. FAVORITE LINE: "Will it make you feel better
If he says he loves you." - this was the bridge for this piece. Very Nice.
Overall, I thought this was a good piece. However, I would suggest changing the last line to something like: "an uneven trade of misery". This may put an exclamation point on an already fine poem.
Reviewed by Aries King
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Format – Very good spacing between each break. Each stanza clearly reveals individual thought, which strengthens the entire write. I love your title, fits to perfection. Each line makes the reader want to read on. Excellent!
Content: This is a poem which speaks of a past connection of emotion. Whereby the writer takes the reader into a series of memories of a specific love. Wonderful.
Pluses +
Your piece is masterful. You opened with in-depth imagery. The last line of each stanza culminates each pattern of visual. I would not wish these emotions on anyone. FAVORITE LINE: "I am chlorine. A tanned body
half-wrapped in a white towel." - you really provided a visual that indicated a huge loss for him. Very Nice!
Overall, this poem was amazing. You have a great style and a professional flavor. I am humbled by how you brought your work to life. My feelings were bouncing all over the place. Very impressive piece of poetry. I look forward to reading more of your work. Also, I will add you to my favorites.
I will be reviewing your work Shall the children play the fall?
Overall Impression:
Format: Fantastic rhyme scheme. Numbers of lines are simple and consistent. Very good spacing between each stanza.
Content: This is a poem speaks of playing war.
Pluses +
Outstanding imagery and metaphors. You masterfully, formatted your thoughts in each line. Your word choice is amazing. "Don’t fight to kill; we now fight to live" is a very powerful, hard-hitting line. This is consistent throughout your piece. Excellent!
Overall, this is a great poem. Great work!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cparke61
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:13pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
