You definately have a gift. Your style is still young in comparison to the published authors, but really I feel that you have the ability to story tell very well. I just finished my second chapter today. And I'm like dam, yours is way better than mine. I guess I just need to find my style, but it seems that you've found yours. You just need to grow and elaborate with it.
Anyhow,I really like this chapter and I look forward to reading the next one.
"Running at two knots she was so slow that even a tadpole could outrun her." Lol that was funny imagery.
This was a thrilling tale. At the end, I was very enveloped in it, and I was hoping that last torpedo would miss. You did a really job on this, there wasn't any mistake that I noticed. Except on one sentence, which to me sounded odd and unnatural: "There was no such thing as a democracy in the military." It just didn't sound very clean. YOu might want to reword it for better flowage.
YOu sounded very informed on the subject you were writing about, as if you either did some major research or you experienced it yourself. That is very good prospect to have as a writer.
Lastly, keep on writing, that's some good work you did.
Laterz
Silence...
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