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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/crocedelizia
Review Requests: OFF
12 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I first and foremost look at the quality and ideas of the work, focusing on how clear the work is and the meaning behind. Emotion and imagery are important to me and I can help you clarify them within your work. I then move onto the technical components of the work, diction, word choice, literary elements within the work before finally finish with grammar. I will not pull punches with my review, everything that I write I honestly feel, but I will not be rude, I will be honest to you and I honestly want to help you improve your writing.
I'm good at...
Diction, Imagery, the flow of the work, I am good at looking at work and discussing the technical components that you need to improve your work and organize your ideas. I also good at working properly articulate your ideas or further your ideas only and make more complex.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Dark, Emotional, Inspirational, Drama, Erotica, Gothic, or imagery based works
Least Favorite Genres
Mystery, Fanfiction, Biographical, Career or business
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, poems, verse, lyrics, drafts, essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters, books, longer works that need multiple readings
I will not review...
As said above, longer works that are parts of other works, such as chapters will be rejected.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Cascade  Open in new Window.
Review by Tremante Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Lou-Five Books,

I really liked your poem. It was a solid poem that varied in structure and yet still stayed to the original stanza's theme. I can definitely tell that this a work that you put some thought into, and I liked how you tied the end of each stanzas back to the first. I would suggest taking another look at the first two lines of the last stanza. They seem a bit awkward in comparison to the rest of the work, and when I re-read your poem they always seemed to stand out, making it less of a fluid read. Perhaps, rewording them? It felt a bit forced. Otherwise, it was a enjoyable read.

~Tremante
2
2
Review of Life Path 7  Open in new Window.
Review by Tremante Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi 'Shley,
This is a solid poem and I can feel the emotion behind it. However, the meaning is unclear in some ways. You seem to shift your viewpoint from a love poem at the first stanza and ending at your father. This seems like an internal dialogue that you wrote out in poetry form, which is intriguing, however, I terms of clarity I would go back and add some more details so the reader can understand. I also would suggest some variation in the word choice. You use repetition, which is great in songs, but not when it is the next sentence. If you want to use repetition, try to space it out a bit or vary the lines.

Good work,
Tremante
3
3
Review of Love You More  Open in new Window.
Review by Tremante Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hi Micah, I liked your poem, it was very emotional and sweet. I loved the feeling behind your poem. However, I would say, that the poem needs a lot of editing, particularly in terms of capital letters, spelling and other technical aspects. All and all, it felt less like a poem and more like a love letter, which is beautiful in its own way, however, if you wish it to be a poem it does have to follow a certain standard. The felt like a rough draft, so I would suggest going back and fixing the technical problems. Keep up the good work.
4
4
Review of Banished  Open in new Window.
Review by Tremante Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
I could tell that this was a very rough draft that was just you spilling your thoughts. In order to better your writing, I would suggest making an outline of where you want to go with your story. There were a lot of details missing that made it difficult to follow. There were also many mistakes that had to do with diction and punctuation that stall the flow of your work and make it difficult to understand. If you want to clear up your work, the best way of doing so is to read your work aloud, this will help you notice where the problems are and you can go back and reorganize your sentences. In terms of writing skills, I would visit this site: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/
This is a college website that will give you some basic skills in writing and editing that can help you in your work.
Keep working at it, although I could not give this the best rating because it was a very rough work, if you keep at it and clarify your thoughts, I'm sure it will be a great story.
5
5
Review of Until We Met  Open in new Window.
Review by Tremante Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I liked your poem, it was nice and emotional. However, I would have to say that I would recommend incorporating some more variation in the lines. Using "until we met" over and over, makes the poem become a bit bland, since this is not lyrics it would be prudent to try expressing the same feelings but with different wording. You had a little at the end, but I would try " Now that you are here" "Since you noticed me" "Now that we have spoken". I would also suggest elaborating or trying more complicated diction, because the work does seem unoriginal.
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