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Review by csaxonm Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This draws the reader in rapidly and creates an immediate reason to read further. Those two things are key. Good job!

On the other hand, the description of the female character is too cliche. It would help if you were to make her less typical. Can your woman have frizzy hair or speak with a stammer? Maybe one leg is shorter than the other. Maybe her hands shake visibly, even in the dark. Trying doing something with her description that will make the reader want to learn more about her.
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