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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/curtis888
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56 Public Reviews Given
120 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
If thoughts matter, then what does the Matterhorn think of itself? :D
2
2
Review of Strange Land  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice ending. The build-up to it is the stuff of excellent sci-fi. It could easily be made into a longer story, bit it is good as is. I would have gave it five stars, but it could use a good editing.
3
3
Rated: E | (4.5)
Clare,

This is pretty funny. Not quite what I expected, but funny in an unexpected way. It more-or-less reminds me of the Lord of this world, the Angel of Light, Lucifer -- Sun of the morning. Yet, the end of this story is what I thought the narravtive would be about. I expected a Heavenly amusement park with a Dunk-the-Cherub, the 'Wheels within Wheels' ride manned by Seraphim, and maybe a strongman Nephilum side show of sorts.... Maybe in part two, huh?

-Curtis
4
4
Review of The Bond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice. A mix of Women's Lib and the rise of something other than human. Scary, in a psychological way. It reminds me of the Biblical tale about the Nephilm -- the children born to the daughters of men, who were impregranted by the sons of god. Genesis, chapter 6; verses 1 and 2. ;D
5
5
Review of Bacteria  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This should be labeled sci-fi, horror, thiller. It's a total psychological thiller that has horror implications inflicted by bacteriological wordage. Good sci-fi. Good read.
6
6
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hmmm, while the syntax of the sentences throughout this Essay are technically correct, the style of wordplay is rather jilting to read aloud.

Although, I do like the topic this Essay covers. The Type Phenomenon is definitely a subject that most people are subconsciously aware of, but they tend to give little, true conscious thought to it.

I've seen a majority of relationships established on visual lust, as opposed to somebody thinking: Is this person going to ruin my life? Sure, good looks help out any environmental feature, so to say, but ending the subject on that thought is to be close-minded to the fact that different curves and textures exist for a reason.

To truly believe in a Higher Power is to accept the facilty of good-bad, smooth-rough, hard-soft, male-female, etc. This belief applied to personal human features such as looks, character, and overall personality is to accept the fact that life is governed by the most subtle details in the cosmological event that human life and, therefore, intelligent consciousness are part of.

To question what exactly is your type{/e} you would first have to know all the different kind of types there are to choose from. I once heard that: "There are as many personality types as there are stars in the sky." If that's true, than it's impossible for any person to know all the different type of personalities there are on Earth. Especially nowadays. But, then again, I suppose that the Internet has a weird way off helping the attraction of animal magnatism more than anything before its creation.

A jolly good read that could benefit from a good round, or two, of proofreading to help smooth out those rough phrases, and to increase the impact of the message upon the reader.

:D

Cheers!

-Curtis
7
7
Review of The Gambler  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, thatwas just awesome EnJen. Thank you for sharing. I'm sure you have plenty more where that came from. ;)

-Curtis
8
8
Review of Narcissus; Lust  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice.

Properly titled, this poem reminds me, all too much, of myself at times. The part that really got me, though, is the part that says: " . . . Drooling all over it . . ." Makes me laugh just thinking about it. I've never been in a euphoric drooling stupor, but it sounds fun!

Your vivid writing skills make just so much fun to read and see what you mean. English is my first language and it's taking me all my life to write as decent as I do now.

Overall, I can't say I have an answer for the opening line, but self love and near undefinable lust are definitely a part of life that is unavoidable.

I'm not a scholar on poetry (I didn't count syllables or anything,) but I feel this poem flows rather well and says a lot with the little space it takes up. It makes me wonder what the rest of the chapters will be like, so I can drool all over those to. :D

-Curtis
9
9
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Damn, Fluke. Honestly, I got stiff reading this. Everything plays out nice and in an orderly fashion from beginning to end. Your descriptive wording is most colorful, reminding me of a high school party I attended some years back. Again, your writing skills shine, but there are plenty of flaws in this story that need to be edited out for the sake of smoothness. Hence, the 4.0.

On the end (or so) of page six, where it says: “He kissed her tenderly on her lips while settling his self on top of her. . . ,” you switch from using a first-person tense to a third-person tense. In other words, you stopped telling the story and began to describe what you see. "Telling," not "showing." The tense continues to flip-flop from here-on to the end of the story. But, in the above line, from page six, it should read like this: “He kissed me tenderly on the lips while settling his self on top of me. . . .”

See how the scene sustains the intimacy you first established with your reader by keeping the narrative in a first-person tense? Keeping that same tense throughout a story is important for your reader’s comprehension as the words flow from sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph.

I found one other problem, and that was with some of your phrases. One for instance is: “ . . . I stood eye in eye . . .”

I know what you mean here, but I’ve never heard (or read) this phrase worded like that. I’m used to hearing (reading): “ . . . eye to eye . . . .” So, I’m wondering if it’s just a turn of phrase due to the linguists of your location. (Where I’m from, most every word has an “s” on the end of it. Everybody talks in “plural,” like a stereo-typical Queen of England: “We are not amused.” :P)

That fact that you cover the topic of pedophilia is an interesting case, and keeps this story firmly rooted in reality. (Lord knows I thought the same things around the same ages portrayed here. Strange) In my opinion, 14-17 isn’t a step into the territory of adult/child sexual relations. Now, if the lead female character was over 30 or 40 years old, then I’d say that’s pedophilia territory. (Then again, that could also be a young man’s wet dream. . . .) This story is more like adolescent shotaroo, and is perfectly acceptable concerning the age limits in question. Even for a western manga. (And since your only 17, you’re writing about a topic you know about. No fuss, no muss.)

This story has an Inuyasha-like quality to it, in that either a guy or a girl can enjoy it, but it’s most likely a girl will care to read it. (I did, since you asked me to. And, as you can tell, I enjoyed it. It’s fresh.) Your girly-girl way of writing is just so feminine, and rather fun to read. Like any good manga is. I can almost see this as a series. This particular story would be the last one in the series, so you could work out the "complex" part of it in other short stories, if you wish. Plus, for your consideration, your at the age where the future is really starting to loom, and your probably considering your career choices. My I suggest something by saying that writing is always in demand. I'm in college for Animation right now, and I'mtelling you, it's all about the story. You can already write good, but do you consider it something worth following? Or, if anything, at least it's be something to fall back on?

-Curtis

P.S. Do you mind if I ask you where your from? You sound American, but I could be wrong. And what's with your screen name: "Fluke?" I'm just wondering. . . . It's a bit of spiritual-thing for me. I'll explain, after you.
10
10
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Damn, that's intense! I didn't notice and writing errors in this paper, and that maybe due to content, but I couldn't stop reading once I started, and that's always a credit to the authors writing skill. . . .

But I've never had that kind of treatment in my life. And if a guy ever tried such I'd probably kick him repeatedly in the crotch. I'm not gay, I'm not a homo-phob, but I do know I'd like to be kissed and stroked and admired in a pleasant way by a hot chick. Who wouldn't? :D

Anyway, so your point of attraction has to do mostly with persistence, no? I have to ask how old you are. Maybe later teens, early twenties? As I think life experience might (and that's a big might,) might play a role in your, your, what, "concideration" of attraction?

What is your friend's ultimate meaning behind her actions? Is it seduction? If so, to what end? Lust? Endless love and devotion? Drug induced? Actually, how did your friendship start?

There are more than a couple psychological questions you got going here, Fluke.

I'm also wondering is this paper more of a diary entry, an essay, a personal question, or a statement about your feelings about recent experiences? As I'm a bit confused at to the "why" you wrote this, because it's a combination of all four of the above. It's interesting, but it reads in a circle -- if that makes sense.

-Curtis
11
11
Review of Cosmogony  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Cosmogny is a worthy inclusion to any anthology. Although, I kinda dislike the really big font you used, it distract not from the story.

Interestingly enough, I'm writning my own take on cosmogny that's waaay different in detail, but similar in scope. It's all about those quantum relations, as I like to call them. I've always believed that the legends of ancient astronauts and the gods of mythology are the same sheep with a different colored wool coat.

Cheers!

-Curtis
12
12
Review of The Burning  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Tasty read! It's kind of a shollow ending, though. Premature, if you know what I mean. It enede the way I was hoping it was, with an escape, but I tend to wonder what Caitlyn's goinf to do now that's she one with the power. . . .

I good, swift read that, in my opinion, could use a better ending.

-Curtis
13
13
Review of Sun And Moon  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kings,

I found a typo in the last sentence of this nice, little poem.

V
You wrote: "They did'nt warm us and help us see."
^

" . . . did'nt . . . " should be spelled: " . . . didn't . . . "

I mean no offence, but this typo ruined the flow of the rhythm at the very end -- the big payoff moment -- of this short, sweet, and to-the-point poem.

Hope you recieve this review in good cheer.

-Curtis
14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
M.W.

This is a good poll. Too bad only one other person, beside myself, voted that sci-fi is their preferred genre. Oh, well. To each their own!

So what's your favorite genre to write, M.W.?

-Curtis
15
15
Rated: E | (5.0)
A somber, but tasteful poem. Written with exquiste clearity. The idea of God as the onions at the bottom of a salad bowl? I have to say that even the smallest bits of nurishment can be good for the soul. . . . If you'll excuse the bad breath. ~:~o
16
16
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
LOL!

A pure delite to read.

Who knows how many mangy cats I've put to sleep? I wish I had your writing skill, Kate. But, I'm positive that won't happen over night. I'm sure it would've happened already. :P
17
17
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really like the use of pictures in this post. Your words are just as pontent propaganda for the Neofear-machine as any secret society would produce. Not to diss on you, but you add fuel to the Neofire with this poem. (Damn your use of Neo is addicting. :P)

This is written to perfection, but I wish you would've thought of a different way to go about fighting political/religous propaganda without sounding exactly like a government/religous paranoia agent.

If you remind people that the U.S. government is made by the people, for the people -- and that government needs to fear the public that it serves -- I would send that poem to everybody I know. As for this poem, NeoLife in the NeoWorld, I file it under good intentions. . . .

Armadillo, your a hell of a writer, but I personally find your focus is off center by a couple of inches. I have to dissagree with "neo" i.e., "new," being a dirt word. Everything you discribe in this poem has been happening for all of recorded history. The U.S. has produced a Human Rights Treaty since its inception over 200 years ago. I know that not all countries abide by that treaty, but America is/was the only country to actually press for such an unpresidented ideology in all of history. And enforced it. (Nothing like what Cortez did to the Aztecs. Nor what the Nazis did to the Jews.)

Trust me, I've researched history, esoteric history, as well as acknowledge most present world conditions and events. The world, with all of it's negatives, is currently in one of the most peaceful periods its ever know in its cosmic history. Neo isn't a dirty word. Neo is our saviour. Haven't you seen the Matrix Trilogy? :)

--

Okay I found a couple of discrepencies:

Clueless Congress - No Can Bust Us!

Do you mean: "No (One) Can Bust Us!

Second, when you say:

A genocide Israeli-style:
Leaves five dead siblings in a pile.

My intial thought is: A genocide would leave a lot more siblings dead than five. (BTW: I know this line is based of the picture.)

This poem is still worth 5 stars even with these nit-picks about the prose.
18
18
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*^_^*

Funny, charming, and written fairly well. Your punctuation could use some work, though, or I would've rated this higher. If you would like editing suggestions just ask.

"We will rule you!" -lol! :D
19
19
Rated: E | (4.5)
LOL! The Moon, a hero, who would of thought? This story is a delite from start to finish. Fighting The Light is a wacky romp that's a good first post. Although, it could use some paragraphs. The middle of the one long paragraph makes reading a little ruff. Other than that, I would've rated this story a five.

You know, I use to look at the sun when I was a kid. That bastard hurt me. I think you're absolutely right about the sun being arrogant. :P

On a different note: For a (slightly) similar take on solar mysticism please read my story entitled: BENEVOLENCE (Original Space).
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/curtis888