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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cythee
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6 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of My New Business  Open in new Window.
Review by Pinguin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
First of all, I have to say that I loved the way you structured this piece. When I read the first two job attempts, I was curious to see the locations, it made me want to read more and chuckle both times. I believe the way you put spaces between the sentences caused me to think about each sentence and not skim, which was nice. My only concern is, as a foreigner I had to do a quick google search to know where this university is and then I kinda got the joke. However, first two attempts of job hunting was written in a beautiful way. Congragulations on your great piece :)


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Review by Pinguin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I missed the description part of the story, so I was really surprised when I got to the last line. I think it is better not knowing that it was an internet relationship because it keeps the reader constantly wondering about what makes this relationship so intense, and in the end it finally comes to place. I liked that you have not written much about Ru and Myra's past, it made me wonder about them and made them somehow easier to imagine. Also, your descriptions were really good, I felt like I was the one waiting for that call after 10 years. However, although I said it is good that you haven't given much information about the protagonist, I think it would be better to add more details about how this relationship started and evolved so that readers would not be feeling like they are left out. Anyway, I liked it very much generally, your usage of words interested me and kept me reading and pondering what would happen. Good work!
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