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Review by David E Owen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Dear RBArgnash
I enjoyed reading your story - I think there is a lot of imagination involved here and therefore a big potential.
For me the story is already moving too fast. In just a short space you had Zaltundi running from an army, having stolen a secret stone, and frying to death all the horses of his enemies! - it's hard to keep all the facts and logistics going. I want to know more about Zaltundi - Am I supporting him or is he a common thief? I want to know more about the conquering of the elements and how did Zaltundi achieve this even though it sounds to be an exclusive right of the following army?
Finally, and this is the most important to me - you are telling me about the theft of the stone and I wonder if that might not be a better beginning, allowing you to show me the theft of the stone - it would be the natural start of a different life now he has it - plus it would allow the feelings of fear, stealth and excitement at the possibility of what the stone offers to Zaltundi.
I hope this is helpful.
David Owen
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