First thoughts: You have painted a picture of a perfect day in January, or any month for that matter. I am not a poetry expert, but you lost me in the final stanza. I think the first two flowed very nicely. Maybe it wasnt supposed to because it is a style of poetry I am unfamiliar with, which entirely possible. Either way, keep going!!
I liked the story! It seemed to use the same words in acouple of places that made it feel repetitive in places. Ex. in the begining where the word 'well' was used at the beginning of statements. The other is 'quickly', near the end. I did like very much the story, as I tend to like darker tales, though i don't write them. Last, I hope this review helps, and is NOT in anyway offensive. I am by no means a great witer or editor, and am very new to this! Keep going!
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