Overall: I wanted to shout while reading this: Talk to him talk to him! Haha perhaps he is shy just as you are! But ah well, life is full of these encounters, will this be the one? Will that would be a quick tryst, or a summer romance? I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you.
Initial thoughts: I love the emotion. I can feel the rage and anger flowing.
Overall: The poem takes me back to a jealous place I haven't been in a very long time. Equal parts disturbing and satisfying, I empathize and I feel badly. Why do people cheat and hide it? Is it to try to not look bad to themselves and other people? Is it to cover it up? Sigh.
Initial thoughts: This was a sweet and moving story. I enjoyed it very much. The world was very well explained and detailed, without too much detail.
Grammar: I could find no issues here.
Prose: I had a bit of difficulty with the first several paragraphs. I'm not sure I can put a finger on why I had issue with the beginning, but I felt like I stumbled over them quite a bit. This could be a reader issue, not a writer one. Later on as I got more fully into the story it flower evenly and smoothly.
Overall: This was a great story. The buildup of the background was nicely timed an the reveals very interesting. I guessed early on that Pira was some sort of cyborg, but that was probably intentional. I felt Zasha could have used a bit more physical description. It was hard for me to picture her as a three dimensional construct. Development wise, she also left me with a few questions. I felt like the protagonist was judging her character based on some pretty flimsy observations.
I really loved the small touches like Pira animating inanimate objects and other clues about her. She really was the star of this story. Thanks for sharing it.
Initial thoughts: teen angst and zombies. Yay! I liked this story. I hope it is the beginning of a longer novel.
Grammar: I noticed a few things while reading. At a few places during the story you used "to" where a "too" was needed. I also noticed one tense in present while all other were past: "What has you all jumpy?" He asks in his slow southern accent. Otherwise I didn't catch anything.
Prose: Your writing was good, clean, and engaging. I was quickly pulled into the story and you kept me in it the whole time.
Overall: If this is a short story and that was the ending, bravo. Hilarious way to put the impending apocalypse in the background, subverting the reveal of the zombies throughout the story. Completely unexpected. If it is the beginning of a longer novel, please let me know when you write more. I'm interested!
Initial thoughts: Sad and poignant. It makes me wonder how my own Irish ancestors felt as they left their home island.
Grammar: not an issue
Prose: This was emotional, sad and angry. Your prose conveyed that in a method that emphasized this.
Overall: Ireland is going through a lot of troubles currently due to a bunch of complicated factors. Institutional greed and ignorance only make matters worse. If politians cared more about the long term welfare of their country and less about their reelection dreams, perhaps the world would be in a better place. This piece is, unfortunately, relatable to people of many different countries.
Initial thoughts: Ah, zombies, yum. My favorite line from this was definitely: "his mouth drooled at the thought of returning home." A few things made it feel slightly rough around the edges, but mostly I felt it was an interesting story from a rarely used POV.
Grammar: No problems I could tell.
Prose: Excellent descriptions and flow. My only complaint is perhaps an overuse of similes. I felt like almost every other sentence there was a comparison of his actions to something else, and just a tad too much. My example of this would be the last sentences of paragraphs six and seven, where he was compared to a wounded wolf and separately, a dying animal.
Overall: It was an interesting and enjoyable read of a genre I am a fan of. Thanks for sharing it with me!
Initial thoughts: This was a funny piece. I found some of the jokes to be familiar, but otherwise it felt original. I enjoyed very much the tone of the irreverent scribe.
Grammar: I didn't catch any problems of note.
Prose: I felt there was some deadwood that could be eliminated, and perhaps some overuse of certain words (example you used "he" three times in one sentence) but otherwise I didn't think it detracted strongly from your story.
Overall: I enjoyed the story. It didn't make me laugh outloud, but I felt it chuckle worthy for sure.
Heh. What a diabolically evil little story. Makes me wonder what sort of karmic disaster the protagonist was to elicit such a fate. I also wonder if the doctor's offer was open ended or had a time limit.
Your story has a lot of good prose packed into a very tight space. Descriptive and fluid, emotionally and structurally sound. Thank you for sharing this.
Wow! You've unearthed my secret shame! This this article is bulging with great insight and is swarming with excellent tips and suggestions. I also appreciate the smattering of humor applied throughout the article. I shall hoard the knowledge gleaned from this arcana and sprinkle the myrrhic adverb more sparingly. Thank you.
Whoa! Incredibly creepy and entertaining. I'm glad didn't read this story at night. The prose was smooth and kept me in the story. It was a great ending! Definitely going to become a fan of this story.
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