Very patriotic piece. From a poetic standpoint, however, I think it could be better.
Correct spelling is important if you wish for folks to take you seriously, you use the word 'safly' when I think you meant 'safely'.
Rhyming poetry is difficult, a suggestion I might offer is not to accept the first rhyme that comes to mind. You rhyme 'gleaming' with 'screaming' in reference to the proud families of the slain soldiers, I'm not sure gleaming is the best word here, seems like they'd be weeping to me. But my point is not to be so invested in a word that you find yourself grasping for a rhyme. You also seem to be stretching for a rhyme to 'heart' and end up with 'art', the flag is not an art, a symbol perhaps, but art is something entirely different.
Patriotic themes have long been a part of the American poetic tradition, usually incorporating the same elements you use in your poem, so you're on firm ground by choosing a patriotic theme...my suggestion is to hold yourself to a higher standard, with some work the poem could be improved, if you love your country than give it your very best...
I'm not even going to get involved with the subject matter of your poem, even though I recognize its importance to you. Let's look at the poem's bones.
In is a set of rhyming couplets, it is traditional to match the meter of the lines as well as just matching the rhymes. If you did that it would improve this poem immensely. Right now it's awkward and wordy.
Another thing is to avoid useless repetition. These two couplets have too many 'thoughs', especially when they are in sequence.
Though tempted with fame, fortune, and great power
He said, "Satan, get thee gone," though at a weak hour
Though they yelled, "Crucify him!" and scourged Him
He looked up to the heavens and said, "Father forgive them."
One rule of thumb I use in rhyming poetry is not to be invested in a word so that I must use convoluted language just to keep the rhyme. There are lots of words to use, if one gives you trouble, seek another. I also always try to use language that feels natural to me when I read the poem aloud, as if it mimics real speech.
It's good you're writing poetry, you obviously feel there are things you must say. My advice is to say them as well as you can, it ultimately furthers your message.
This is a very impressive piece of work that requires careful reading to grasp the whole from the sequence of parts.
You work the theme of 'poetry as life' quite well, noting how 'ordinary' conversation can echo resoundingly when said at specific and emotionally charged times.
I like how you used parenthetical expressions as metaphors to highlight your points. The husband's clumsy swerving that cannot stay the resulting crash. The image of the birth 'as if all emotion lay cocooned in chrysalis' is quite telling in how finally you are able to express both the grief of death and joy of life through the birth of new life (the butterfly).
Some excellent word choices here result in strong imagery. 'She leaves me with a note of nonsense' means the exact opposite, and much wisdom is imparted in that nonsense in the form of her telling you to never stop believing (which the reader can take as belief in her, in yourself or in life). Your husband's words relayed in 'the dull, trite phrasing of an amateur's voice' lends quite an emotional impact. The imagery of tears turning to milk and feeding a son is a fine tribute to how generation turns to regeneration forming a chain of being.
An excellent poem well deserving of five stars!!
Dale
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