Overall Impression 
First, let me welcome you to the site. I see you have only had an account for a few days. I found that when I was a "newbie" it helped to join a few groups; the Newbie Academy is a good place to start.
"Body and Soul" is an emotional piece though I am not sure it falls in the romance genre. It has potential though in my opinion could use some tightening.
Thoughts
It is clear that English is a second language as there are many grammatical and mechanical problems in the piece. That being said permit me to make some suggestions.
Considerations
You said
In the dark corner of a big city, Jane lay lethargic in the mid of the street hoping to be run over by a vehicle that could abolish her deadwood existence.
Consider
Jane lay lethargic in the middle of the dark, lonely street hoping for relief that could abolish her deadwood existence.
You said
As she shut her eyes hearing the honk of a horn, a hand pulled her aside, and she felt was still alive. At this moment, which seemed affixed for a while, she realized she could have died in the perilous frenzy. The moment sprang out of its stillness when a manly voice struck her ears yelling at her utter folly. She smiled sarcastically and fainted instantly in his arms.
Consider
The sound of a horn forced her eyelids to squeeze shut, then a hand tightened around her arm pulling her. Frozen in that instant the thought of her death flooded her thoughts in perilous frenzy. The glare of the horn faded in the distance. Out of the stillness a voice, deep and throaty struck her ears. She smiled sarcastically and fainted instantly in his arms.
You said
The sun shone and peered through the window kissing her eyes. She woke up by its warmth and wandered her eyes around the room for something familiar. But she was at a strange place. Her eyes witnessed a black men jacket and her nose sniffed aroma of a cigarette that was unbearably manly – strong. A faint pattering of the shower which her ears caught compelled her to wait for the bather to emerge.
Consider
The sun peered through the window kissing her eyes open. They wandered around the room searching for something familiar. The faint odor of a cigarette hung in the air, the soft patter of a shower caught her ears. It was then that she noticed a black leather jacket tossed casually over a chair. It was a man's jacket. Fear gripped her. She was not dead as she had hoped.
You said
Soon a man entered the room that she had been inhabitant of since yesterday. He was not stark naked but did not put his shirt though the shorts saved him from appearing as a bare man. He seemed not unlike any handsome man she had slept with. His hairy chest claimed to have many women leaned over it and his strong torso was overwhelming appealing to slide a soft hand back and forth. He had a tanned and muscular body which might have been a feast for ladies who slept with him. In short, he was a man who could not be let go. She greeted him and he drew his hand out from the pocket in his shorts and put his finger on her lips, and praised, ‘You would have shut these curvy lips forever’.
Consider
When she heard the water in the bath stop, she looked in that direction, clutching the blanket that covered her. A man wearing only his shorts entered her field of vision. He was like many of the men she had slept with. The hair on his chest cried out at all the women who had once been covered by it. His chiseled torso begged for a soft hand to slide over it. His tanned muscles were a feast for the ladies who slept with him. In short, he was a man who could not be let go.
He drew his hand from his pocket and pressed a finger to her lips. ‘You would have shut these lips forever’.
You said
They both laughed. Amazingly in an hour they concluded to live together in his apartment. He never asked her what went wrong with her. And she never talked about it. They sprang up to adore each other for the reasons they had yet to discover. They called each other David and Jane. Their understanding grew to the extent that they attained the ability to read each other’s mind remarkably. And they knew well that sex had no place in their relationship and it had failed to convince them to make love as it is usual occurrence when two young and attractive opposite genders live together under one roof. Something was certainly wrong with them.
June 28th was a night when David heard sobs from the bathroom. He immediately knocked at the door but the silence answered his knock. Alarmed, he opened the door and what he scanned was an eye opener for him. Naked and frightened Jane was trembling claiming that she was being raped by four men. David did see anyone and calming her down brought her outside and made her lie on the bed asking to pull the bed sheet over her body. He rubbed her forehead, hugged her when she quivered with fear and finally succeeded to put her to sleep.
Next morning, Jane was back to life and no discussion about the previous day was initiated by David. It took some more months when Jane finally fell in love with him. She was delighted that her decision to stay with him, as he was her savior, was right. She knew she would take him in one day. She was beautiful and her beautiful body had trapped even the fussiest man in California. She had begun to adore for he had never tried to have sex with her since they met. Jane had been able to revive the respect for a man in her heart after three years of the terrible incident she had. She was ripped off by four men. Now she had overcome her tragedy and wanted to be loved by David even they live together for thousands of years.
She begun to allure David to attract him as her carnal life had woken up and she had to quench the desires that escalated in every moment she spent with him. She did whatever woman can to arouse the lustful desire in a man, buttoning up his shirt when leaving for the job, unbuttoning them when he had to take shower, and sharing the bed with him by making excuses which appear justified.
Consider
They both laughed. In an hour they concluded to live together in his apartment. He never asked about that night. And she never talked about it. They grew up to adore each other for the reasons they had yet to discover. They called each other David and Jane. Their understanding grew to the extent that they attained the ability to read each other’s mind remarkably. Sex had no place in their relationship. The grip of carnal lust had failed to convince them to make love as is the usual occurrence when two young and attractive opposite genders live together under one roof.
It was the night of June 28th when David heard sobs from the bathroom. He immediately knocked at the door but only silence answered. Alarmed, he opened the door.
Naked and frightened Jane was trembling sobbing, claiming that she was being raped by four men. David calmed her, brought her out of the bathroom, and made her lie on the bed pulling the bed sheet over her body. He rubbed her forehead, hugged her when she quivered with fear and finally she succumbed to sleep.
The Next morning, Jane was back to life and no discussion about the previous day was initiated by David. It took several months before Jane finally fell in love with him. He was her savior. She knew she would take him in one day. She was beautiful and her beautiful body had trapped even the fussiest man in California. She adored him because he had never tried to have sex with her. Jane had been able to revive respect for a man in her heart three long years after terrible incident. She was ripped off by four men. Now she had overcome her tragedy and wanted to be loved by David and live together for thousands of years.
She begun to allure David to attract him as her carnal life had woken and she had to quench the desires that escalated in every moment she spent with him. She did what every woman can to arouse the lustful desire in a man, buttoning up his shirt when he was leaving for the job, unbuttoning it when he had to take shower, and sharing a bed with him.
You said
Then one day, when David was sleeping, she kissed his back, and as he turned, her lips attached his hairy chest and she left no part which was not licked to make him love. But then his face commenced to turn red and he grabbed her like a horny dog and kissed her body with a frenzy which contained compulsion of a prisoner who tries to escape madly but restricted by the bars. Soon his imprisonment showed itself through the tears that rolled down his cheeks and his lips uttered. ‘Get away. I am of no use. I love you. But what do you expect from a impotent man, tears, hear, frustration but no erection. I am sorry. I cannot make you happy. We are two human bodies which look different but cannot make each other happy.’Listening to this, Jane felt that she was raped once again, but this time she was not raped alone.
They parted away but they still meet to talk about music, weathers, sorrows and jubilation in their lives. Jane feels that David is a real man as the trauma he went through cannot be faced by a woman.On the other hand, David feels soul is more important than body.Bodily desires at times kills our soul and murder our existence.
Consider
Then one day, when David was sleeping, she kissed his back, and as he turned, her lips attacked his chest and she left no part which was not licked.
His face turn red and he grabbed her like a horny dog and kissed her body with the frenzied compulsion of a prisoner trying to escape but restricted by the bars. Soon his imprisonment showed itself through the tears that rolled down his cheeks and his lips uttered. ‘Get away. I am of no use. I love you. But what do you expect from a impotent man, tears, frustration but no erection. I am sorry. I cannot give you what you want. We are two human bodies which look different but cannot make each other happy.’
Listening to this, Jane felt that she was raped once again, but this time she was not the only one violated.
They parted away but still meet to talk about music, weather, sorrows, and jubilation in their lives. Jane knew that David was a real man--the trauma he went through cannot be faced by a woman.
David felt a soul is more important than ones body. Bodily desires at times kills our soul and murder our existence.
Parting Comments
Notice that I use white space to add to the story.
Thanks for sharing and be of good cheer.
Dandelion Man  
| ASIN: B00C1EXTLA |
Product Type: Kindle Store
|
Amazon's Price: Price N/A
|
|
|
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Overall Impression:
