Lovely. Just lovely. A bit melancholy but that's the point--love and longing always seem more potent when we have to remember it after the fact. As for your writing, your tone is just right, and I love the dichotomy of the memory of a moment and the permanence that those moments create in our hearts. Your word choice is also well done, repetition of the word "mine" in stanza one drives home the feeling of a moment and the connection between two loves. Words like "swallow", "dissolved" these really capture the idea of becoming one quite well.
I'm hardly and expert when it comes to poetry criticism, but I enjoyed it a great deal.
I enjoyed your poem, although your rhyme is thrown off a bit by "cue" at the end of line 7. I think you do a decent job of emulating the bard throughout the poem. I'm not sure about the couplet though, I think the last line seems a bit maudlin (which every sonnet is, I know), given the rest of the poem I think you have something greater in you. Also, try setting each quartet off from one another visually, indent a bit on the second group that always helps me as a reader.
Good luck out there, please feel free to take a look at my portfolio as well, I'm not the greatest poet in the world but I hope you will enjoy my short pieces.
Dan
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