This has a good thought and focus. It needs work only because the thoughts are a little bit, not off subject, only a little lost maybe? I think if you added to it or changed it up a little, maybe added in more about hope and not how it is lost but still there. Does that make sense? I also believe to master poetry, you must just keep writing it and writing it. It gets easier and somehow you find ways to make your writing stronger. Also read more poetry if you are not already doing that. I find observing other peoples techniques and things helps me to mesh others with my own. But most importantly do not give up. All poetry is, is converting feeling to paper. I am just a beginner myself but I have been trying to master this skill. So good luck. I'd love to see more of your work so keep writing!
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