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Review by David Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
For starters, I believe that this story is about two pen pals who have fallen for one another? I would like to point out in the first paragraph when you refer to Myra as or "you"; I would suggest inserting a couple sentences or paragraph talking about Myra. From there you can gradually begin calling her "you". This is because I think the transition from the phone call right into the use of the word you will throw off readers for a couple paragraphs. Also don't hesitate to use her name more. While reading I had to re-read quite a few sentences thinking they were dialogue, when it was just you referring to Myra as "you". They story is written well, the detail is where it needs to be, however I would elaborate a little more on why they broke up, and why that was so disastrous. Because after all it caused them to not speak for ten years. I liked the end, it put a spin on what I was expecting, I didn't put two and two together until Myra said "Ru...I want to meet you." Aside from all it was a nice story, a few details to insert, and to consider, along with some grammar issues. Particularly the use of "And" as a sentence starter.
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