Monty, you did a marvelous job with this poem. Most people take the easy road in their poetry, so it's nice to see someone challenging themselves by taking the road less traveled. Writing in a very poetic, archaic, difficult and pleasant style is something I love to try to do (usually in a not-so- good Poe or Dickens style). I have yet to read any Browning poetry, but I do like your work in this one very much. A very commendable write, agreeably distant from the usual everyday poetry. Great write!
Moon my man, I can give you no less than a perfect score on this well conceived, constructed, rhymed and written work. I can see no room for improvement. The only thing wrong with it is that I didn't write it! It's gonna be a winner, no doubt.
Walter, I think I've commented on a few other of your poems and I might be repeating myself here. I am mightily impressed by writers like yourself who can write in different (and to me) quite difficult genres. I am one of those lazy writers who write most everything in rhyme, and in the abab form. Being a prisoner of my own ordinariness (is that a word?) ofttimes other forms put me off a little, since it's not my way of writing, buuut.. after reading your notes I reread it several times and it soon became apparent to me that your AT form (AT for short) has just as much flow and rhythm and maybe more as my hide-bound abab does. I think the more one reads this the more one likes it. I hope that other readers take the time to give it the attention it deserves. A good write that deserves good readers. Thanks for posting.
They say "write what you know about." Well Zoe, I hope this painfully poignant poem is just a construct of an imaginative mind rather than a very poetic rendering of personal experience. A well written poem that if not true, is at least very realistic and carries it's imagery very well. Good job!
Walter, I really liked this and you had me in the palm of your hand until the last verse, when the poem seemed to take a sudden left turn. The poem is smooth and articulate, especially rich in descriptive imagery in giving the alien beings such a frightening aspect. I just don't understand the contrary images of humans as: worthless flies, and why are they "Our Lord''s most precious gem?" Sounds as if the human race just gave up! Again, the poem is virtually flawless in it's conception, flow, color and rhyme. (especially the flow and rhyme!) You're very good in all the essentials of good poetry and this poem is great just as it is! The comment I made is just my opinion and nothing more. Pay it no mind and you still have an outstanding write. (but were it me, I'd still rethink that last verse) I rate this as a very good 4 1/2 and would change that to a 5 in a heartbeat were that last verse tweaked a tad.
Inkwell, I liked this so much that it disappointed me by not being much longer. It's the kind of poem that kinda leaves one hanging. It's three verses seemed to need at least three more verses. Not too many poems leave you wishing for more, so I think you might consider giving the proper finish that the fine beginning deserves.
Wow, a really great write! Kind of archaic in it's style. Quite a good piece of work! Very inpressive. It show a lot of respect and love of the written word.
April Bday, I loved the olde English, archaic form of this poem. I started to do something similar to this with some of my own poetry, after reading a lot of Dicken's works. You did a beautiful and artful job with this one. One word though that threw me (and I'm sure it's gonna' throw a lot of readers is the word "gast". I'm guessing that's the archaic way of saying "aghast." My hat's off to you for writing (and writing well) in a form that most writers simply could not write at all.
Walter I am truly impressed by the form of your poem! Anapestic Hexameter. I'm not a very accomplished or well educated poet, so I respect and admire those who not only know, but can write well in different forms of poetry. If you should reply to my review, please be so kind as to educate me (explain) the exact meaning of this form. Once I got past "couplets" I was lost! Some lines have twelve words, others fifteen! I am so used to writing in simple 4 line verse, or occasionally triplets (both in rather short lines) that the long lines are a bit unusual to me. I had to read some lines several times to find your intended rhythm, but once I did they worked great. A fine write once I got used to the sentence like lines. Now I'd like to see you write one of soul lifting elation!
Prosperous, I only wish I could write free verse with such skill and feeling. You gave oft-used subject matter a nice tender touch. I especially liked the last two lines.
Nicely penned Oldwarrior, I wouldn't change a thing in this fine write. The only complaint I have is that you're in the same contest as I am! Your poem is not only longer, but is better too. Rhyme is my favorite genre and you do it very well.
A good write Iluv horses. As a rule I don't like most poetry that follows strict rules or certain methodology, but you certainly pulled me in with this one! I've written almost 800 poems (and one or two are kinda good) and the only ones that followed a certain pattern are some haikus and senyrus. I admire people like yourself who can apply themselves to trying different things. You've given me the impetus to perhaps try an acrostic myself. I doubt that i'll ever be able to do it as well as you.(you can't teach an ol' dog new tricks), but I'm gonna give it a heck of a try. What's to lose, right? Again, nice job. You write good!
Only one word for this countrymom: Excellent! I loved your rhyme within lines, which is not an easy thing to do and you made it seem effortless. My hat's off to you; a fine write.
Harry, I liked everything about this poem except one thing and that might just be me and no fault in your write. The first verse was like a typical rhyming poem but then I had a hard time finding the rhythm in all the following verses since the sentences seemed to run into other sentences breaking the rhythm. Were it me I would simply make this a rhyming free-verse poem by eliminating the spaces between verses. I still thought it a very good poem and it might just be my problem in reading it, so don't take my words too seriously as I'm giving it a 4 rating and would have rated it higher had I been able to locate it's rhythm. Good concept, good rhyming, well written. A notch above most others.
Very well done Dr. Everything good, and when you add in the rhyme within lines, that has to be twice as hard to do. You're a bright light in the darkness. Thanks for giving me something to read and comment on. Write on.
I especially liked this because It's a dark departure from the usual run of Halloween poems. Besides being well written, it dared to step outside of the ordinary. (And it's kinda creepy, which is a good thing in this case)
I loved this poem too Christina! I would like it even better still if you could manage to change "furious discontinuances." Such a rhythmic poem as this deserves a better word than 'discontinuances', which is the only place that this poem even remotely sounds forced. (and that could be to my ear alone!). I would have rated this a perfect 5 if my tongue had not tripped over this single word. Still it's an outstanding poem!
a well written bit of free verse (free verse being something I'm not good at), which, if not actually so would lead one to think that the writer has experienced the thoughts expressed in this write. An interesting take on a moment in life. Nothing to quibble about in this poem. All good!
Jaiam, this is one of the best romantic, free verse poems written by a man that I think I've ever read so far. This genre, to me, seems(or until now seemed) to be the province of mostly the female gender, but you've definitely make a great incursion into that female stronghold. I've tried it a few times with little success. Congrats on helping show that we men can write romantic free verse as well as the girls. At least you can! (I'm still workin' on it) I wish I could rate this, but the rating part on this page is not available and I cannot give you the 5 that you deserve.
Nice Nature write LaPia. I'm a sucker for a good Nature poem and they're my favorite type to try to write. I especially like the line: A sprinkle of rain fell undisturbed, on Earth's tympanic mirror. Nice word choices throughout.
Nicely written Lisa, The only fault I have with it is that it's much too short1 It left me wanting to read a bit more. Rhyme was great, rhythm was great, everything just as it should be. Simple and uncomplicated and colorful. Hard to go wrong with a subject like Nature and i love poetry about birds!
Nicely done in every manner. your writing is very sophisticated, and technically wants for nothing. I would give this write a 5 if it were more colorful and detailed in it's descriptions. A much more textured view of the surface of the lake, and the trees and even the band of little boys would have broadened the appeal of this already very appealing poem. Go for details and contrast a bit more. Make me feel as if I'm actually there in my mind. I'm a nutcase on description so don't take my opinions too seriously. It's a great write just as it it. (I go overboard myself too often)
Sarah, the first line gave me pause for a few minutes. "brightest blossom limbs" just didn't make sense to me at first, Then I figured you were just poetically saying "the limbs with the brightest blossoms." Once I got over my mental block I realized it made perfect sense and I was just too dense to parse it correctly (my bad!) Now that my head has cleared I realize it's an excellent haiku.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/davidwhalen/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 1:47am on Jul 02, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "