Hi Kyndig! Thanks for visiting my forum. Hope I can be of some help!
First Impression
I liked the choice to slowly reveal what Ild really was, not giving away immediately that he was a Phoenix. It kept me interested to continue reading.
Characters
Ild-I'm curious as to the name choice. I'm not aware of a significance to it, but perhaps you know otherwise. The reason I bring it up is because, visually it seemed a bit difficult to handle. I found myself distracted at first trying to figure out the pronunciation. It could simply be the formatting of the site that made it tricky but at first I was uncertain if it was IID or LLD, but I'm settling on ILD...am I right? I realize it is a small point, but I figure it was worthy of noting since this is for a contest and I just think you should be aware of it.
When he is between, is he in a human form? I felt as if there were a few hints to this, but I'm not sure. I just couldn't visually wrap my brain around what he was during that time.
Setting/Plot
I thought the story in itself felt very unique. I don't know if the tears of the phoenix having healing powers is a regular theme, but it was something new to me and I enjoyed that. I also liked the "between", a chance to evaluate. Another part that was still a bit unclear for me was if he is aware of all of his past experiences when he is between,or limited to the most recent time. Just something else to look at.
Technical Stuff
You may want to consider changing the rating from E. I personally don't have issues with ratings, but some members are very sensitive about this and I think the violence depicted would certainly earn it a higher rating. I'm not certain of the criteria offhand, but you should look into it. Contest judges can get pretty snarky about that sometimes too, and I'd hate to see you be disqualified on a technicality. Basically I read once that if it's marked E a five year old should be able to read it. No offense, but I won't be reading this to my daughter anytime soon.
Suggestions
Worthiness was a matter of judgment, and Ild had never felt it was his place to judge one person more worthy than another. If one must judge worthiness, how does one separate the different levels of violence, anger, hate? Is he to judge these aspects as well? Where does worthiness in love end? The questions bothered him.
Forgive me if I'm being dense, but I have read your story several times, and I still don't quite understand all of philosophy. I'm not understanding why if his tears are so precious, he would have to even discern between levels of violence and such. Why would there not be a simple rational that those things are bad and love and kindness are good. I understand the complexity of the matter is the purpose to Ild's confusion, but it left me confused as well. Is there any way to clear things up a bit.
"Life is.”
“Of course life is!
With the statement preceding "Life is" I'm wondering if the sentiment would be clearer if it read "Life just is." As it reads now, it leaves me asking life is...what?
Again, forgive me if my brain is not keeping up with yours, but I'm having some trouble with what he is really grappling with. If he innately feels that his tears should go to one that is worthy, then why is he so torn about judgment? If he felt he had to be impartial, then why wouldn't he just cry over the first person he saw. Why is his judgment such a terrible thing? Wouldn't using judgment be encouraged? I'm sorry that I don't have the suggestions on how to clear this up in your writing, because I feel like I'm on the wrong track here.
What I Loved
The visual impact you described about the village and the horrors in it, truly made me cringe with their power. It's very well written and certainly graphic enough without being over done.
Last Thoughts
My sincerest apologies if I'm just not getting it and it's all right in front of me. Like I said before, I know this is for a contest, so I just wanted you to be aware of any issues I had with the piece because they could possibly be a judges concerns also. I hope this is helpful to you, and I'm happy to answer any questions if you have them.
Davina
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