Character Development: This chapter helped further develop Tara, Gran, and Crystal's backgrounds and personalities. It also helped the reader empathize with Tara after she lost her grandmother.
Historical Referencing: Handled well.
Plot: This chapter held great information, but felt misplaced in the storyline. Because it was all a series of flashbacks, it brought the current action of the story to a complete standstill, and makes the overall story feel very slow. Two options to include this vital info without freezing the current story action is to either a). put it at the beginning of the story as a prologue, or b). include it in the rest of the story in small snippets. For instance, she could recount the experience of having to go to college and come back only to lose her gran to the hero at some future point of the story when they're sharing details about each other and bonding. This would then take care of several points...keep the pace of the plot up so it doesn't drag, show the developing bond between Tara and the hero, and weave in this important info.
Grammatical: Nothing major here.
General: In addition to weaving this chapter into the rest of the story in bite sized snippets where appropriate, this story feels like it's written in a mixture of third POV and omniscient. The third POV is typical of romance stories, but the omniscient isn't because it pushed the reader away from the characters instead of bringing them closer. This could be accidental. An example of where omniscient POV was used instead of third POV was where you said "Sobs wracked her achingly thin body as the minister intoned the words." Unless this scene is being shown through someone else's POV specifically, Tara wouldn't be thinking about her body or how it was achingly thin at that point since she was overcome with grief.
Personal Opinion: This is really important background info, and I agree it should be included in the story because it made me really like Tara. I would just have preferred to see it fit into the rest of the story in small pieces so that the current action of the story isn't brought to a screeching halt for a chapter long flashback. Still, I'm looking forward to reading more and think you have a good story going here!
Character Development: Great further character development for Mallory. Her reactions and feelings may not be the nicest towards a possible competitor for Josh's attention, but they the most believeable and serve to make the reader like Mallory even more. Her actions are endearing, slightly humorous, yet painful at the same time because by now the reader has become attached to this character and wants to see her happy. Josh's actions are very typical of a teenage boy too.
Historical Referencing: Yes, all great here still
Plot: Good plotting, makes the reader feel for Mallory even more and want to root for her. It also raises questions as to what will happen next between Josh, Mallory, and Tanya.
Grammatical: Nothing huge or interrupting to the story's flow.
General: No room for improvement here that I can see!
Personal Opinion: The chapter felt short, but certainly did its job to change the pace and mood of the story again, bring in more questions and obstacles for our heroine to overcome or deal with, and introduced another interesting character. Very good job, can't wait to read more!
Setting: Very well. I really loved the image of the cotton candy in the air, which brought more of the magical aspect of the circus back into the picture and really set the tone for the rest of the day. And the pelican shaped trash can lid is SUCH a great touch! Plus, I loved how she was able to relax on a still carousel horse and just think peacefully... something I've always yearned to do!
Character Development: YAY, we got to learn more about Josh, just what I was hoping for! He is really growing on me, and the relationship that is developing between them is perfectly paced. I understood her fear about riding on the elephant, but was so pleased that she made an effort to get over that fear in order to please its trainer and Josh, showing that she isn't self-centered and does in fact care about being a likable person. I enjoyed getting to meet another member of the circus, and how she was able to look past his appearance to the real him. I also loved how she was only momentarily stung by the female crew member's sour disposition, but refused to let it bother her for long. And it was great that she managed to watch Josh perform several tricks on the rope despite her fears, then was able to get past the danger aspect and appreciate his courage and skill. So there was wonderful character development all around.
Historical Referencing: Yes, everything's still great here.
Plot: GREAT plotting for this chapter, as it brings our heroine several steps out of her depression and into a much happier state of mind so the reader can once again feel the excitement of the circus setting. The hints that there might be romantic problems between Josh and another girl was excellant and helped hook me for another chapter. And the further developing relationship between Lory and Josh was just perfect.
Grammatical: More missed words here and there and a couple of words in the wrong tense, nothing too terrible though.
General: No room for improvement that I can see besides occassionally showing her eating a real meal. She doesn't seem to see much of her father beyond about once a day so far, but on the other hand this is probably allowing her to heal better emotionally on her own. She is starting to see things from her father's point of view which is nice. But the girl's gotta eat more than cotton candy and a pickle! :)
Personal Opinion: WONDERFUL chapter, probably the best one yet! So many steps forward in this chapter, plus plenty of interesting questions are brought up to help make the reader want to read faster. I enjoyed getting to meet several new members of the circus, the great character and relationship development, the sights and tastes, and Mallory's emotional progress. GREAT JOB!
Setting: Very much so. I loved the little details throughout, such as the dirty tents in need of washing, the smells that greeted her when she woke up, the fluorescent lighting outside the camel pen, and the sawdust in the performance tent. And everything was tied into the action of the story very well.
Character Development: The main character is becoming more and more likable. I appreciated how she could internally feel that she was acting like a drama queen and realized that her ideas might seem strange to Josh. I liked her going outside to eat the pickle so she wouldn't wake up her dad no matter what resentments she might have towards him currently. And I liked how she didn't choose to wallow in her misery, but got up and out of the house when her dad asked her to. I also found her instinctive run from the performance tent to be very believeable and even expected. As for Josh, he too is developing nicely and becoming more interesting. The hug he gave her was a really nice touch. But I wish that we could have heard more of their conversation at the end after they moved on to other topics besides the deaths in her family. It'd be nice to learn more about him and his background. For instance, does he have a family? Brothers and sisters? Has he always been in the circus? What made him choose to do the rope act instead of some other activity to perform? What are his hobbies?
Historical Referencing: Yes, the clothing details and actions are great and seem to be very appropriate for the time and setting.
Plot: The plot was excellant, left me wondering what she will do to fill up her time every day, will she face her fears and learn to perform on the ropes like her mom, what's going to develop further between her and Josh, and what things will she learn about her dad now that she has a chance to get to know him?
Grammatical: A few missing words here and there, but nothing major to interrupt the flow of the story.
General: Wonderful chapter. I would just like to hear more of their conversation about other topics at the end of the chapter so that we can get to know Josh more.
Personal Opinion: The book has completely pulled me in with its lead character, setting, situation, and future possibilities! I can't wait to read more and meet many more characters in the circus. There's a huge potential to build a really memorable cast of wonderful characters that could become her new family, and I'm looking forward to learning as much about them as possible!
Title of novel: Circus Monkeys
Chapter number: 1
Round 1, 2 or 3: 1
Setting: WONDERFUL setting descriptions. Detailed perfectly, and the descriptions are integrated within the action of the story seamlessly. Included all five senses very subtly. Great job with this!
Character Development: LOVE the character development in this chapter. Already the reader gets to see the heroine change and grow through several key events in her life. I really appreciated how the info about her previous disasters with pet ownership affects how she feels about getting close to animals now, and how it ties in with her birthday again. This was a great way to bring more of her past into the present in a highly relevant way.
Historical Referencing: Yes, all great here too.
Plot: Absolutely! This first chapter's plot covered several key events, brought the reader up to speed perfectly on where our lead character is right now in her life, and then pushed forward to quickly bring new events into her life plus throw her into the circus setting. It left me completely intrigued and ready to read more. Excellant plotting for this first chapter!
Grammatical: Nope, looks good here.
General: This is such a great beginning chapter. It's a really great, unique, and interesting setting that I think will be sure to grab everyone. Who hasn't wondered, if only for a moment, what it would be like to grow up in the circus? Now readers get the chance to find out with this book!
Personal Opinion: Personally, the title threw me off a bit and made me think of a children's book at first. However I'm very glad I went ahead and read the book's summary, because it's on a topic I've always wanted to know more about. I can't wait to find out what it's like to be a teenager suddenly thrown into the circus life. I found this first chapter to be really well done too, with seamless current and backstory integration, detailed scene description, wonderful characters that hooked me, and highly believeable dialogue. An excellant way to start this book off with a perfect beginning!
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