I liked it, it's a good story and a good concept, but a bit more editing would be nice. for instance, a cause is something you champion, but 'cause is a contraction of the word because It might be nice to vary the sentence length and rhythm of the piece a bit more. Also, take a bit more time to develop - I got a bit confused. The idea, however, is pretty intriguing. I think this could be nicely creepy if you tightened it up a bit.
I like this. But I'd really love to see this poem written in the outline. I also think that a more consistent meter would be helpful. The form is very strong and the meter tends to hover at somewhere between five and seven syllables per line. I will say that I'm not good with meter, but deciding on one or a pattern of meter would help the poem flow better. (By patter of meter I mean: Line A has five syllables, Line B has seven syllables, Line C has five syllables, Line D has seven syllables.)
But I did like this. I like that you kept the words simple and the voice consistent. The image was also very evocative.
You've written very honestly here. The emotion comes through clearly.
However, I did have a few points to mention. The first thing I would like to mention are your paragraphs. It's usual to start a new paragraph every time a character speaks. I would also like to see a few less commas because they tend to let you write your sentences backwards. For example, instead of "When the darkness is gone, I feel nothing." why not write "I feel nothing when the darkness is gone."?
I think that if you reworked the piece a bit more it could be quite good. Your beginning starts off well, and could be gripping. Maybe some more description of this demon?
It's very dark, you clearly convey your emotions, and the demon as metaphor is interesting.
Informative. You write and explain what you set out to do. It's a nice, quick overview of a few of the more usual writers' errors.
One other common grammatical issue to address might be the difference between it's and its. Additionally, if you are going to separate the two sections on grammar and Q&A with headings, it might be consistent to separate the first section under another heading. On the other hand, I will also admit that the first and last paragraph of that section act as nice "bookends" to your introduction.
You have written a solidly informative piece in a clear and easily understood style. Very nice.
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