Happy you found inspiration! I don't do official reviews or anything, but I thought I would leave my uneducated opinion, as a reader.
I really enjoyed your intro. I was transported into another world...at least temporarily.
The sadness and frustration pour through the paper...I imagine a strong person holding back tears. Very compelling...dream world stuff!
The only thing that could be added would be a connection to the "regular" world that doesn't exist at half past the thirteenth hour. But this poem isn't exactly for them is it? ;)
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