Very well composed, no glaring or distracting spelling or grammatical errors. The combination of science fiction and personal elements is certainly well done, although I question the inclusion of the science fiction elements in general - little is done with the idea of martian colonization. Is this intended to be the first of many stories in this setting? It's a good introduction to Wasserman's character, but of the drastic conflict depicted nothing is resolved. It really does look like 'part 1' rather than a complete work.
I also question the use of the term 'light years' - is this just Wasserman's thought, or is this space flight really extra-solar? And if so, that raises the question of why this crew would be attempting to colonize Mars from some other star system.
All in all, the character and world are both engaging. I rather hope to see more of them.
Oooh, I like this one. It is evocative in imagery and inspiring in tone, simultaneously strong and sensitive which is a neat trick if you can do it. The cadence is a little uneven, and it works a little hard for some of the rhymes.
I could be mistaken, but I think that 'lain' would be more appropriate than 'laid' in the final stanza. That's the only technical note I can add.
I like this! It's an engaging narrative, told with simplicity but without condescension. And the payoff was beautiful, the perfect illustration of an insidious villain undone by an idiot flunky.
I'm a little confused about why Mr. Keller doesn't believe Emma Fay is 10 years old, but maybe I just missed something. The setup seemed a little long to me, but it included little truly extraneous information so it might just be my own taste. Perhaps decreasing the narrator's self-criticism in the first few paragraphs might be in order.
I remember age 10 - I did little reflection unless I was being corrected for some specific error. Otherwise, I simply was.
The only distracting mistake in punctuation was a period at the end of the next-to-last paragraph. That should be a question mark. Otherwise, I found the technical details to be well in order.
Excellent work. I enjoy reading essays of this kind, and this one demonstrates a soothing yet attentive combination of intimacy and common sense. It is also precisionist; the words seem well selected to either reinforcing a mood or conveying an idea, and there are no distracting errors in spelling or grammar. Thanks.
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