Ah, such a true poem. That's good to see. Only mistake I saw was a slip-up in the rhyming scheme. For example, It follows a
A (bed)
B (bit)
C (efforts)
B (s***)
pattern throughout the poem, however, the second stanza doens't follow this recurring routine, it goes
A (broken)
B (place)
B (space)
B (base)
Even if you personally like this change up, it doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. Sometimes you have to "murder your darlings" and produce an alternative for the sake of the entire work.
What a terrible story! When I clicked the "tragedy" genre I wasn't prepared for something like this... Usualy stories about little boys and pianos arn't my thing, but this was great (in a sick way). Honestly, I don't think this is a story I could ever forget (good thing)... Besides that, your writing style is effective. The characters are real and true. The emotions and thoughts portrayed by Johnathan are very human. It's realistic, I like that. I really had no problems with it or any suggestions for improvement...
(By the way, this is the first 5 I've ever given.)
-deleted god
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