Loved the premise and it was very easy to identify with! Particularly liked the 'Screw Jerry' fairy and the whole paragraph of descriptive on nature's retaliation to his scream of frustration.
I would suggest, in answer to your request, that to flesh it out, I felt that visual descriptions of the people with the oil, the harassed description of the cashier would add to the storyline. Although a reader still pictures things in their own way, it can be more fun to add to a description that is already there.
Great idea, very funny, very well done.
Diane
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