I appreciate how you take on challenges and "push the envelope", conform without conformity, make things your own, etc. Your comedy is both direct and subtle. You are brilliant at crafting words and making them interesting, entertaining, and even educational. This poetic conversation in various styles between 2 sisters about men and their varying... umm... "shortcomings" is genius. George's cinquain and the sister's response is a favorite. The haiku, acrostic, and etheree are hilarious. I love the happy ending with the sonnet (appropriately, of course), and I love the line "I planned to stay at home and count my woes."
I would suggest looking at the sonnet again. Stanza 1/line 4 and Stanza 3/line 4 didn't flow quite as naturally for me.
You completely engage my mind in your writing. It is delightful! I would love to read more of what you could do with a stronger spiritual or emotional feel, something with more "grit" or "rawness." You are brilliant, I can't say that enough. Your writing makes me laugh, or makes me think and I say "WOW! Amazing!" I can't help but wonder what you could do if you dug deeper. (Admittedly, I also found myself wondering what kind of sonnet you could come up with for July's prompt "melody at night." )
Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest! We hope to see more from you!
Your poem is an incredible use of the prompt "scent of wonder." Your vivid, poetic descriptions gently guide me with a sense of place and circumstance that allow me to feel, emotionally and spiritually, that I am there.
I would suggest looking at the punctuation again. You use it very little... I could not detect a consistency in how it was used, perhaps you don't need any?
I love your interesting phrasing, but a couple things stood out to me as not seeming to fit with the rest. Stanza 1 "who died a week back", perhaps "who died a week before"? Stanza 5 "at the end of the day when all said and done"... "all said and done" is a fairly common expression, given that your phrasing is so unique it stands out; however, given the events in consideration it actually probably does say it best? I would suggest possibly changing "when" to "with"... "at the end of the day with all said and done."
In stanza 7/line 3 did you mean "isles" or "aisles"?
Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you!
Your poem from the prompt "imprisoned by silence" is sadly touching. I am moved by the sense of a child's need for her mother and the helplessness which is underscored with the ending "until someone comes to turn the tide." Your language is straight-forward and conversational in tone.
With the first reading, you mention "her" before you mention "mother"... which had me wondering who the "her" was. I was a little uncertain of the phrasing in stanza 2 with "I shout and I yell" and referring to yourself as being "mute." I kept thinking of you're shouting and yelling and she's not hearing you, you are not "mute"... she is deaf? I wondered later about if you were really shouting and yelling, is that really "keep(ing) everything inside"?
Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you!
I've read this over a few times and I can't find the prompt for May that you used.
This is a very interesting read, descriptive and emotional.
I would suggest going back through to see that your verb tenses agree.
Thank you for submitting this poem. Hopefully one of the June prompts will inspire you. When writing for the contest, the prompt should be within the poem and/or the title. We hope to see more from you.
This is an interesting presentation for a poem - defining a child and a senior citizen in parallel ways. It took me a bit to see the circular aspect of how the definitions were arranged, as I was thinking it might have been clearer to have a child definition followed by its parallel senior definition. If grouping all the child definitions together and the seniors after that, perhaps each line doesn't have to start with "A Child" or "A Senior Citizen". Since you use colors in your fonts, perhaps you could have the parallel definition highlighted by using the same color in that line for each? I would suggest looking at the punctuation again.
Thank you for submitting this to the contest. We hope to see more from you.
What a wonderful use of the prompt "nonchalant shopper." If there was a perfect ode to one this would be it. Near as I can tell, you followed the Shakespearean sonnet style exactly and the iambic pentameter flows perfectly. The addition of the internal rhyme makes it flow even better. You begin light-hearted and I giggled at "with taste like yours, your teaching stores new trends." You built it up to the conclusion with an awesome ending couplet. This is a very intelligent poem, conveying a meaningful message.
As a possible suggestion, perhaps you could go through and look at the punctutation again.
Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.
This poem is breathtakingly, tearfully, tenderly amazing. I love the straight-forward, emotional language, the ease of the flow - and how I feel myself being pulled along to an ending that I was both excited and apprehensive to get to... kind of like when I'm watching a sweet but heart-wrenching scene on a favorite show... (I watch through my fingers with tears welling in my eyes)... I couldn't look away, I had to know what happened, your words here are spell-binding.
I appreciate the emotion conveyed in your poem titled from the prompt "disappearing like a dream." You communicate your feelings clearly in straight-forward language and I like the sentiment at the end. I feel like I was on a little transitional journey with you from the beginning to end.
Suggestions:
In stanza 1/line 2 "but now your slipping away" - your should be you're (the contraction of "you are" rather than the possessive form of "you")
Stanza 3/line 2 "I would of changed what I did" - should be "I would have..."
Stanza 4 - each line is about twice as long as the lines in all of the other stanzas. These could be divided out for more consistency.
You use the word "time" several... ummm... times. One timeincidence that could be changed is stanza 3/line 3 "who knew that one time" could be "who knew that one mistake"
Thank you for submitting your poem to the contest. We look forward to reading more from you.
Your poem is punchy use of the prompt "ancient wisdom." Punchy in that it is short and conveys significant emotion. I like the last stanza... it came as a little twist, which I appreciate for an ending.
I've read this several times, and I'm not quite sure what is going on.
The poem refers to "they" and also to "you"... and I'm not sure who the poem is talking to or about... or what thought or emotion I should take away from it as a reader. That could just be me. I did notice a typo in stanza 3, line 1. Your other 3 stanzas started with "How is it that" and this one started with "How is that"... I assume you meant to include "it" in there as well.
Thank you for submitting your poem to our contest.
We hope to read more from you!
I enjoyed your use of the prompt "shadowed room." This is a subject many of us can relate too. I like the alternating 7/5 syllable lines and rhyming on the 5 lines. Overall it had a great flow, and I deeply appreciate the message being conveyed.
As for suggestions...
as I mentioned, overall the flow is great. I stumbled a couple times:
line 5 "My heart beats and I still ache" I wanted to read as "My heart beats and still I ache"
line 13 "The emptiness I once felt" I wanted to read as "Emptiness that I once felt"
I questioned the word "suddenly" both times it appeared here. I was feeling through the poem that the transition was a somewhat lengthy one? I wonder if either of the words "suddenly" might actually be "finally"?
I would suggest looking at the punctuation again... as you do have it in a couple places, but I couldn't see any consistency.
I really enjoyed your poem. I remember "sitting" similarly once, albeit it was a shadowed porch (metaphorically and actually)... and I feel you've conveyed this very well.
Another very enjoyable read! I appreciate the additional comedic touch of it being a semi-sonnet rather than a full sonnet - it hints that you were so irritated by your subject matter that you couldn't form a complete one. It underscores the fed-up exasperation that you humorously convey. That said, I still found myself wondering what else you could have said with another stanza sandwiched between stanza 1 and your current stanza 2.
I love the flow of this, it reads almost perfectly to me. I had a little hesitation with stanza 2, line 3... the stressed sounds of "cats, dogs". Perhaps it's just me. I think my mind wanted to read that line as something like "or wild debates, or cats, or useless task(s)"
I love the line "or free vacations that aren't really free."
Another unexpected ending which is always delightful! And Amen to that sentiment!
You have worked all six prompts into a straight-forward and easy to read poem. I felt a sense of smiling peace from the quiet depth of connection that you conveyed. I also thought she could write greeting cards... those ones that have the really lovely expressions inside that make the reader feel a tender warmth as if she penned the words inside just for them.
Possible suggestions:
Stanza 1 speaks of you alone in present tense. Stanza 2 line 2 "promising us" speaks of "us". The subject "you" isn't introduced until line 3. Perhaps look at shifting the order of some of the lines in stanzas 2 and 3? Perhaps starting with a line introducing "you" and ending (leading into the 4th stanza) with "Look at the hopeful horizon, promising us a new day"?
"And in the darkest night..." perhaps "Even in the darkest night"?
This poem was a pleasure to read!
We hope to see more from you!
Your poem, using the prompt "mystic web", has some powerful, exquisite phrasing that touches me. I find this poem sultry, romantic, spiritual... a sense of longing mixed with desire, and beautiful poetic expression. Although the syllabication doesn't match, it flows naturally for me... except perhaps the beginning the line "moonlight shining in her eyes". I tripped a little on that one. Perhaps it's just me... my mind was wanting to hear something like "and moonlight in her eyes."
My only other suggestion would be to look at the punctuation. Personally, I'm not sure of the proper use of punctuation in poetry... when to use it, when not. I did wonder about the semi-colon here "there's respite from the noise parade;
stone silence where I lay." A semi-colon tells me there's a complete thought on the other side of it, something that could be a sentence alone. I wondered if perhaps a dash, ~ , or some other form of punctuation might be better. I believe well-defined would have a hypen.
Again, T.L, I really enjoyed this poem. Some of the phrasing still goes through my thoughts. I am deeply touched by this beautiful expression. We hope to see more from you!
Your poem borne of a lunar eclipse is a moving use of the prompt "glowing embers."
I feel a sense of mystical awe which inspires a reluctant nod to mortality. I feel myself making that transition with you from the exquisitely beautiful beginning stanzas through to the end. Further it reminds me how I sometimes feel when I look at the moon... it is everyone's moon... no matter how far away they live, that is the moon they see when they look up... and more poignantly, to me, that is the same moon that has been there through the ages, inspiring poets like Shakespeare, and will be there long after me.
Suggestions -
The 2nd stanza has a period at the end but isn't a complete thought. A quick fix for that would be changing the punctuation at the end of the first stanza from a period to something else.
The first 4 stanzas are past tense. In stanza 3/line 4 would "drew" read better than "drawing?"
In the last stanza, line 2 - my mind kept wanting to read "I ever will do" as "I will ever do."
Stargazer, this is an eloquent poem with some really exquisite phrasing. A couple of my personal favorites are "a canopy of forever" and "like a striking final note in a silent symphony..."
Thank you for entering our contest! We hope to see more from you!
I must start with a brief personal reflection, you posted this the night my father passed; therefore, your theme and expression of such was particularly touching to me when I initially read it soon afterwards. I appreciated the timing.
I feel this poem is an emotional reflection from the perspective of the one that is passing. You have some touching phrases here.
Suggestions -
Consider having a more consistent syllable pattern in the poem which will help with the overall flow. I feel each sentence has a good "rise and fall" in pronunciation, but I stumbled a little on stanza 2, lines 1 and 4.
While I noticed the word "hope", the poem didn't contain the whole prompt "essence of hope."
I appreciate this poem and it's touching message.
Thank you for entering our contest. We hope to see more from you!
Your freestyle poem for the prompt "rustle of skirts" was a pleasure to read.
I sighed as your poem allowed me to feel what it is that captures us in reading. Your language is straight-forward and poetic in feel.
Suggestions -
Stanza 1/line 1 - are the covers of the books actually photographs of models? or are they "scantily-clad images"?
Stanza 1/line 2 - "I open the covers and draw myself into" might read better as "I open the covers and submerge myself in" (especially considering you use "I am drawn into..." later in the poem).
Stanza 2/line 2 - I'm assuming that horses is plural; therefore, the possessive form would be horses'
Stanza 4/line 1 - "Thus is my secret escape", "Thus" doesn't seem to fit there... perhaps "This"?
This was enjoyable to read... and, as it's been awhile since I've read a book, it reminded me what I like about that experience as well. (*Furtive glance over at bookshelf to see what's there I haven't read yet.* )
Thank you for participating in our contest. We hope to see more from you!
Your Grossblank poem was a poignant use of the prompt "aromas from the kitchen."
On a personal note, having lost my father to cancer a few days ago I am especially touched by this today.
There is a sense of nostalgia that anyone can relate to... and the smiles, tears, and moments of spiritual reflection that brought me in to feel as though I was sharing that inside.
My only suggestions would be to look at the punctuation. For example, the 2nd stanza is 4 lines separated by commas. One possibility there would be a period at the end of the first line and starting the second with "It came..." Also, as it has a narrative quality (to me) the last line of the first stanza seems to have a bit of redundancy with "...to meet our destinies prescribed by fate." A possible alternate phrasing "...to meet our futures as prescribed by fate."?
Again, this is a most moving poem which speaks to the heart, mind, and soul of the reader in something that most can relate to. Congratulations for being the featured winner in Round 7 of the Beauty From Ashes contest and the accompanying ribbon. I am very pleased to see that! We hope to see more of you!
This is a beautiful poem with nice rhythm and full of amazing poetic expression. So impressive is some of your phrasing here that this poem will likely surface in my mind many times. Exquisite... did I say that already? Breathtaking? Yes.
You mentioned in your post that the prompt "mystic enchantment" was the one you used; however, it was not the title or a phrase within the poem. Are you committed to your present title?
It is truly a beautiful poem, T.L. Thank you for sharing it. We hope to see more of you!
This freestyle poem is a lovely use of the "aromas from the kitchen" prompt. I could almost smell the pineapple myself! It felt to me a beautiful tribute to an elderly loved one that allowed me to have emotion for both "characters." The little random things that stick out in our memory... like that she still had all her own teeth and the poignant reflection that her kitchen would not be hers much longer. I might interject here that in a way it is still her kitchen.
I was somewhat curious about the line "with only seconds to work with" to try to memorize every detail of her appearance. It sounds as if the writer is not expecting to see the woman's face again after she turns around?
Thank you for a warm, heart-felt entry for this contest prompt. We hope to see more of you!
Regards,
~des
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Your comedy is both direct and subtle. You are brilliant at crafting words and making them interesting, entertaining, and even educational. This poetic conversation in various styles between 2 sisters about men and their varying... umm... "shortcomings" is genius. George's cinquain and the sister's response is a favorite. The haiku, acrostic, and etheree are hilarious. I love the happy ending with the sonnet (appropriately, of course), and I love the line "I planned to stay at home and count my woes." 
(Admittedly, I also found myself wondering what kind of sonnet you could come up with for July's prompt "melody at night." 
