You have a very creative story here. I see that you have a passion for writing. The words are very expressive and well written. I get pulled in to the story which is what you want to happen. I don't get bored or uninterested. You might want to check a little more on the grammer but other than that I would say you have one great story.
oh wow, I feel that this is a very colorful peace and I like how you used the descriptive words. You give the image of the man in great detail. It shows feeling and draws me into reality. I would love to read more stuff like this. keep up the good work.
I feel your emotions as I read this piece. This person must be cery special to you. You have a good talent keep up the good work and write more like this. Everyone likes emotion and detail. You have done just fine with this. Your words draw the readers in and that is what a true poet does.
I think you how this down but why not add more discription to it. I would add a little more rhyme to it. I do like your song though.
[Bridge 2]
[Spoken]
What is a name?
How do we speak?
Where'd language and letters and
Words come from?
Where did we come from?
Do we know?
Can we say?
Ok like on this for instance....on the part where did we come from.... you might want to change it to how were we formed.How do we know. what can we say. I dont know for sure but I do know that you are very good at it.
Ok I love the wording. I would say you need to give a little more thought to this. You have one heck of a start to it though. Your decriptions are colorful. Just keep up with it. You may have to write it a few times but once you write it more than a couple times you will have it down. I love writing poetry and I think you would be great for a poet also. Keep up the good work.
I feel what you were going through. I have been there myself but with my parents. You never know how your going to feel until your there. I love this piece. I wrote something similar about death. Mine is on my parents though and how I coped with it. I still find myself down around holidays and stressful times, but I always find away to come out of it. Diane
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