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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Ignited Flame  Open in new Window.
Review by The warlock Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
(Please remember, that all these notes I've made are simply my opinion and are for you to interpret as you please. These may, or may not, necessarily matter based upon your feelings, but are given to you in order to help you grow as a writer. Also I give you my consent to use any adjustments I make, if you feel it to be necessary.)

Overall, it's a nice piece, there are some places where it could use some work, I've found a few and am going to highlight these as necessary. Another thing I am going to do is point out possible fixes for these, using poetic licence, in hopes that you will take note of these and adjust accordingly.

"There was a little while
When I thought I’d lost
Any sense of feeling
As if it’d all been tossed"

Perhaps a change like, "As if spent for a great cost," might fit the last line better.

"And I grew to think
That I would never feel
The tightening of my heart
Making it all real"

This part has a similar problem, maybe a change from "tightening of," to "lightening in", in the third line, as well as changing the last line into something more like, "Or anything real," to fit the poem.

"I thought to myself
Really can it be?
That this new light
Is the one for me?"

The second line might flow better as, "Can it really be?" For the rest of my review, I'm just going to highlight anything that feels awkward. This is because my keyboard is starting to become buggy and not all the keys ar working each time I press them, I'm having increasing problms typing, the E's ar hardly working at all. Sorry for th inconvininc, I'll do my bst for th rst of th way. I'll specify which lin I think is awkward, using numbrs.(i.. 1, 2, 3, or 4)

I thought my heart was gone
And I was living in a void
Of no love and just content
Like a child when annoyed

4

found this with WDC

kp writing, The Warlock *WitchHat*
2
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Review of La' Guillotine  Open in new Window.
Review by The warlock Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
(Please remember that these are my opinions, and are open for interpretation as you find suitable. Also, these thoughts on your piece, may or may not matter, this is up to you. So shall we begin?)

This is an okay piece for what it is. I think that in order to write something that is meant to sway the reader's heart, you must truly understand the feeling yourself. For the most part, this poem would be perfect, if not for the awkward feeling in the beginning, as though you were trying to push the words to fit the part. The following passage could stand to be adjusted also,
"The guard he plays his wooden drum.
My mind is blank, my mouth is dumb."
Now this is only my opinion, but perhaps some thing like, "My mind is blank, my speech is numb," would have worked better. A similar thing could be done with this passage as well,
"Who pronounced with gaiety,
'Liberty, Equality, Fraternity,"
In this case I think that, "Pronounced for an eternity," would suit this poem quite nicely. Another thing that could be done with this piece is that each time you come across a line that does not rhyme with the others in the paragraph that you separate it from the paragraph, as though it were another paragraph. This would add more emphasis on the emotions in these substantial lines and enhance the aesthetics of the piece quite nicely.

Whether you take my advice or not is up to you, but either way, THIS PIECE HAS POTENTIAL.{u/}{b/} And as such I shall rate it for what it is. I found this piece on The Review Me List for WDC, and would most assuredly like to encourage you to keep writing. Have fun, and make sure you enjoy yourself at all costs.{u/}

So keep writing, keep reading, and keep getting better, it is always possible.

Honestly, The Warlock*WitchHat*

P.S.: Respond please.
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