Hello, I just read your work and here are my thoughts.
1. His (X's) body language: while I believe it is there to help the reader figure out the kind of guy X is, I think a little more is written than nessesary. I think if X were the sufferer of a condition affecting his motor control, and said condition were relevant to the story, then it should stay. If X is so tense if affects his ability to park or run, anything, I'd say keep it. As it and he is, I'd consider trimming some.
2. Hads, was and thats: I see a few that I think could be weeded out.
Example- His ex-girlfriend had told him that he was too serious...
Edit- His ex-girlfriend once told him he seemed too serious... or His ex-girlfriend used to tell him he was too serious...
I understand sometime we can't get away from had, that or was, but when I can, I do.
3. The title: at the end, I struggled to find the correlation between the title "Free Parking" and the what it meant to the story. Did X overcoming himself to meet Y free himself and therefore allude to the title "Free Parking?" Because he thought he parked well at the end and realized he didn't, I don't think so. Is it a reference to Free Parking in Monopoly? The parking in the story sounded more to me like parallel parking, and it could be said that X and Y are more alike, or parallel in mind, heart and thought than they ever would have discovered had they not had the reading group.
Overall, I thought your story to be very well written. The descriptions you used were great, the way you described Y provoked and image in my mind, made me want to meet her. The whole effort made me want to keep reading, which of course is a good thing.
So those were my thoughts. Hope you enjoy and happy writing.
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