I found myself hanging in suspension the whole story, wanting to know if it was coming from something, or if it was just Fred being crazy (obviously, Fred being crazy). Overall, an interesting read. You're very talented at keeping the reader hanging on, so try that in some future writing.
Very compelling read! Which is awesome coming from me, because I rarely enjoy fantasy or occult stories and novels. I found myself hanging onto every word and I cannot wait to read more! My only suggestion would be to drop the 17 years later reference from the end altogether. Also, divide your paragraphs a little more.
I really enjoy the positive spin at the end! Otherwise a very dark poem is enlightened by your positive closing statement.
Definitely a poem that "means something" and speaks about something that is very important to us all. As far as areas of opportunity, I find that there are a few broken parts that affect the overall "flow" of the poem...but still very good.
Keep up the great work!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dlvanveelen
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:47pm on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
