brilliant absolutely brilliant, could probably be expanded with more back story. An alternate view of life death and reincarnation. If you take this anywhere else I would love to read it thank you
I am a big fan of this style of poetry but I have found the impact to be more striking if you remove as many filler words as possible example...
"Heavenly, tan-colored breasts,
Infinitely desirable and luscious,
Exposed only partially
By her stylish, casual, decorated shirt,
Appear to me ever so distinctly"
and change it to
Heavenly, tan-colored breasts,
Infinitely desirable; luscious,
Exposed partially
by stylish, casual, decorated shirt,
Appears; ever so distinctly
In my opinion ...
the fewer words used the better
"thank you for letting me critique"
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