Or perhaps tradition sits too comfortably on its cornerstone--no, who am I kidding, Blitzen's a keeper!
This was fun! I enjoyed it "all the way down": the hyperbolically vivid imagery (I loved the bashful pupils), the figures of speech, the delicious word choices (my favorite was "schmucks mucking custom", that was so nice to savor). It was regal yet irreverent, honest yet mocking. All in all, an enjoyable 37 lines. Though I have at this point spent too much time with my head tilted trying to see Santa's sleigh in the stepped margin...
As far as suggestions (which are only grammar related): I actually had to look this up because I was not sure, but it appears as though "time out" is one word in sports related contexts and a two word noun phrase in all others. So you're probably good there. It just threw me for a loop having never really seen it written as to distinct words.
The only other incident that messed up the otherwise enjoyable flow of this piece was the first line of the second paragraph (stanza?):
"I sat there in tizzy of befuddlement..."
There should be an article in front of tizzy, and that might even help make that line stand out a little longer than the one below it.
Those are all my thoughts! Thank you for sharing this, and I hope no one else tries to ruin your traditions.
Cheers,
Topher
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/doctor-topher
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:34am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
