I know little of poetry but I love reading of one's emotions and our relationships with God. How faith can restore, give one hope of redemption. Without faith in God we all have little reason for being.
Thank you for sharing.
First impression: Your introduction compelled me to read on. Things in the news, my own personal belief that there is no such thing as a mom who hates their child.
How your writing touched me: I remember those days although long ago. (I'm 64 yrs. old). There always seems like a time in a child's life where emotion controls them.
My favorite part: "Hate me, please". . . only because I wanted to know why he spoke it.
I'm not sure if this was intentional: My opinion, take it or leave it as I am not a professional writer. Shorten your sentences by adding punctuation. You might hear complaints of them running on too long. I feel there needs to be that pause for the emotions which you are expressing very well, to sink in.
Next to the last sentence you put didnot as one word. I "feel" it should be did not or didn't.
In conclusion: I thought you did a great job of conveying what I hear called "teenage angst". I personally would love to hear what was on that table, perhaps following the "Hate me, please". Perhaps a gift or something that showed how much she loved her son. (A bong . . .j/k)
One other thing I've been criticized for, is not giving my subjects names. I've been told the reader will be able to build a relationship with your subject better if you give them a name.
First impression: I thought it would be about a singer, alone entertaining. Now that I've read it, a duet appears to emerge.
How your writing touched me: If I am correct on the duet, it reminds me of a husband and wife in a band together. Much of the energy and emotion you describe, they show on stage.
My favorite part: "The perfect team But without him, I’m nothing"
In conclusion: Good story, I could see your singers performing on stage. welcome to WDC!
First impression: I often reminisce and think of what I should have done or will do.
How your writing touched me: You've made good points. The present is all we have control over.
My favorite part: "So, never worry, never give up."
I'm not sure if this was intentional: Your title "Pas" were you intending Past?
"Never worry about them." "it" would be more appropriate in my opinion unless talking about people.
First impression: Sounds like a poem of love and memories. Great subject!
How your writing touched me: I could feel your love and disappointment as the years went on and your love "together" never materialized. Sad.
My favorite part: "You asked if he remembered The day I played Spider-Man. I cried." You realized you were noticed and cared about.
I'm not sure if this was intentional: It looks like several typos . . . "Even thought it felt somewhat foolish." should it be though?
"remember the day we went to your house I play." to play?
"I even remember, Thought I wish I didn't," Thought, should it be though?
"But I knew I coudln't." couldn't?
In conclusion: Nice topic, nice job! Welcome to WDC.
First impression: It caught my eye because I have been discussing dreams with my wife and perhaps what their meanings are.
How your writing touched me: In life, reading, listening to music you can imagine but in dreams it feels like you live it and while dreaming, it is real.
My favorite part: "But inside my dreams I am new. I am alive and well and new and breathing." I've been paying attention to my dreams and I realized I am never old like I am in real life. I can run fast, take on armies of bad people, drive like a formula 1 driver and never run out of breath.
In conclusion: More fuel for my own thoughts and I liked your story.
First impression: This is creepy . . . gave me the willies. You did a great job on this piece!
How your writing touched me: Wow! Not sure. I can only wonder how you thought of this. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a cockroach other than in pictures. I definitely don't think I want them crawling all over me!
My favorite part: "The light came on, and there she was,
a cockroach the size of a human baby." I never saw that coming.
In conclusion: Very good story. Is see nothing that I could or would criticize or recommend changing.
There is always a reason to cry . . . to find that thing which breaks your heart, in the news, a sad song, or a memory of those you've lost.
Wait for the sun to rise and stand in the light. Look in that light for the beauty that is revealed.
No one's perfect and there is no other person on this earth that has the right to judge you for any imperfections that THEY see in you.
Embrace the life that God gave you and start to look for those moments that bring a smile to your face. We LIVE because that is what He gave us, We LAUGH because He intended for us to have joy and happiness. We LOVE because it's by His love we were brought into this world and more than anything, we should spend our lives sharing that gift of love we were given.
I liked your poem and the way you rhymed it within each sentence.
Yes, February can be such a brutal month depending on where you live. As far as the weather, when I lived in New England, it was probably my least favorite month. Coming near the end of winter but too far from spring.
First impression: I was hoping it would be uplifting and you didn't disappoint.
How your writing touched me: I liked the way two people met with similar circumstances and it sounds like they left your poem together with hope for the future.
My favorite part: "New futures form, new dreams to come, my soul sings on with a thunderous drum!" Nice wording and imagery.
Suggestions: I saw no errors and the rhyming sounded great!
In conclusion: I really liked it and hope you continue to write and contribute. Thank you.
First impression: The name caught my eye because I wondered what it was about. I saw the word "Petit" and knew that meant small or little.
How your writing touched me: It painted a picture in my head of the old woman's garden and how the flowers grow wild now unattended.
My favorite part: "Little tulips invited dancing daises
and winding vines and singing sunflowers".It sounded as if they have taken on a life of their own.
In conclusion: You've done a great job of conveying your images threw a very sweet little poem. Welcome to WDC. Please keep up the great work!
How your writing affected me: Very powerful imagery to see your character riding his bike. It reminded me of the last episode of House where Dr. House and his best friend Wilson rode off on their bikes at the end of the show. Wilson was dying of cancer.
My favorite part: This was my favorite verse: "I smile, as I breathe in the wind on my face." I could feel the wind as I rode my bike.
I'm not sure if this was intentional: If there was any little thing, it would be the doctor being capitalized. There was no name following.
In conclusion: I love stories and poems that bring a visual image and often a movie into my mind and your story did that.
How your writing affected me: The story reminds me of myself. I would rename it "Distracted" as your character keeps getting distracted as she goes about her day. I have notepads all over the house, post-it pads in several others. Sometimes I'm talking on my cellphone to a friend and find myself walking around looking for my cellphone (which is up to my ear). This makes me laugh. You did a great job and I'm sure it relates to many of us.
My favorite part: "So this is the way each day seams to pass.
No laundry done, no errands run and “No Cup Of Fresh Brew”.
Oh well, when you get older, that’s just life’s way
and tomorrow, God Willing, will be another day."
Pretty funny, the day's gone and nothing was accomplished.
I'm not sure if this was intentional: "walk and streach my legs for a while." streach=stretch? "
and Wall-Mart, for sure" Wall-Mart=Walmart?
In conclusion: Great job! Funny story. I could see here walking back and forth, never getting to do what she started.
I read this before but didn't do a review. Frequently I just read for the enjoyment.
In your piece you spoke the sentiment of so many of us. So far, we only know this life and most times we fear the unknown. I wonder why He does the things He does but I try not to question it too much.
One of my resolutions this year was to try and move on when things don't go as I hoped. Presidential election, money, weather. I have to try and be content knowing it was because God intended it the way it is.
I had never thought about it before, but it's strange how we aren't really opposites, but actually the same . . . obsessive and anal. . . although about "different" things.
You forgot about having to load the silverware a certain way in the dishwasher. Oh, and don't forget there is a "right" way of putting toilet paper and paper towels on their holder. Haha.
Your piece seems to talk about a common problem all writers share.
I find myself motivated by something I might hear or see in a movie. Perhaps a line in a song, even the words overheard in conversation of someone near me.
My favorite lines:
"I'm always Learning,
To make a page made for turning."
I wasn't sure if you meant to capitalize Learning?
Welcome to WDC, I have only been here a month myself.
I had the imagery in my head of all you described of your Penguin. His poor wings are more like a fishes fins.
My favorite part:
"Or perhaps shall you go for a swim,
Elegant and calming strides in the watery air.
Darting to the left, darting to the right,
Taking a bite out of the schools that pass by."
I have the feeling you aren't talking about kittens, lol. Sounds a little scary, maybe not so much if what you caught was bleeding and not the puddy tat.
Almost a woman going to far to make her lover happy. Poor self-esteem, mistreated. Poor puddy.
Okay, I need to stop over-analyzing again. Good job!
It's been years since I've been there. I had a trade show there when I manufactured waterbed linens.
There was one really cool street, Lombard Street I believe. I remember we ate at Fisherman's Wharf.
The town was very unique and a memorable experience as you described.
Not sure if you meant this or if it was a typo: "phantom voice wanders through the blue streets ans let's "
If intentional, sorry.
Thank you for writing and welcome to WDC!
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