I followed this with anticpation. I knew there was going to be a surprise. I enjoyed the chuckle at the end. Just my kind of story, easy, quick and funny. Dialogue was smooth and easy to follow. Great job!
Check out your last sentence and see if that's the way you want it. "A man does find the rope taut and the kicks the stool from underneath, but this man does so without a single scratch of an impact on the world; sincerely, a nameless death. " I'm just not sure.
Doesn't find the rope taut? 'then' kicks the stool not 'the' ? just curious
I think you've read some Edgar Alan Poe, maybe? It's good
Seasons come and seasons go, I guess. Your poem reminds me of how quicky the year and seasons go by and how slow it seemed they occurred as a child. A lot of color in that poem, like the thoughts of that hot cocoa. Only thing I see is you might have mentioned the summer and warm weather a bit more just to balance it out. I realize you said you were writing about the coming season, but still I would have mentioned the one we're in now. NIe job though. Take care.
I like this poem for its simplicity and frolic. I like it for its appeal to just simply be quiet. While not much of a poet expert and intimidated somewhat by reviewing one, I like your style with this and the thought. Only one thing that stood out that if it were me I might change, but then again, no expert here. The second line in the first 3 stanzas, just seems to be off by one metric beat....an extra syllable not needed. I mean, it's ok, but could be easier and more rhytmic to read if one syllable was left out.
Something like this maybe ...From "I kept quiet when they told me I was loud
I kept quiet when they said I should settle down" to
I kept quiet when they told me I was loud
I kept quiet when they said to settle down
and "I kept quiet even though I wanted to sing
I kept quiet all throughout the days of spring"
to
I kept quiet when I wanted to sing
I kept quiet throughout the spring'
I like this. I thought the pace was smooth and progressive and I was hoping and wishing right along with you until it got to 'My feet move' and then for some reason I paused. Not sure why, there was just something missing. Maybe it was my reading of it or maybe it was the different syllable count in that line. It shouldn't take away from the total effect of it but if it could have maintained the same rhythm to the end, it would be better.
Nicely done! I can identify with his problem here. Your piece has humor, descriptive conversation is fun to follow and it's straight to the point. I followed it all the way to the last paragraph......and became quite disappointed. Not exactly the ending I was hoping for.
I'm not an English teacher or grammar expert so I'm leaving that up to others, but I will tell you this. It is an awesome reflection of how tragedy can become an eye-opening stimulus for growth. I love the deep, still moments as well as the celebratory moments. It makes me want to know more, examine more closely and follow up to the future existence of this person. Very well done!
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