Well done, EvilDawg. Though the premise is not new or even surprising - you handled it very well and I enjoyed the read. Overall, this short came across to me more like a scene or an opening hook to a longer story. Are you working on building toward a novel? The story is complete and yet I found myself wanting to read more. Good job.
The pace is well done and the story flows with little or no distraction. I commend you and encourage you to keep writing. I will look forward to reading your other works.
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