\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dorotheac
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
1 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of My commander  Open in new Window.
Review by JC Dunn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow! I must say that this piece is surely up there with it's descriptiveness quality, and it is abundantly clear how you feel about this man. It is powerful in it's ability to define the intensity of the dominant/submissive relationship.

I am assuming this is a rough draft since you marked it as unfinished in the end. Allow me to make a few notes to try and help you;

After you complete a sentence, try using two spaces, it is easier for the reader to catch the end of the thought as the punctuation can get lost.

Also, you might want to consider a higher rating for your piece considering you have it under Erotica.

As it flows as a bit of a "stream of consciousness" piece you might want to consider putting as an erotic poem?

As always these are IMHO.

You have a strong voice, and I enjoyed hearing it!

Keep the pen to the paper!
JC Dunn
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dorotheac