I did a little research on thru on "the Grammar Girl website" and Webster's and it is an informal form of the word through. Therefore I would cut it. "His wings dragged the ground" did you mean "his wings dragged over/on/along/etc. the ground?" that sentence tripped me up for only a moment. Paragraph 3 was hard for me to visualize, it is probably just me, but I can't picture what you mean by the lava flowing beneath the walls. Either way, I this is a great piece because it created vivid imagery of this creature dredging this rotten cavern for good things to spirit back to his master or possibly to horde himself. He's kind of awkward both on his feet and aloft, despite being familiar with the area. Great work! Keep it up!
This piece flows well and is highly organized. Good read. There are a few mistakes that I am sure you would catch with a proof read. I am a fantasy author, and just from experience with a talented editor, I can see a few ambiguous descriptions like: unbelievably beautiful woman. Regardless, this piece is fantastic, I can't wait to see more. I am also interested in your opinion on the pieces I have posted to this site. Please return the favor of reviewing.
I like this piece because I can relate. I have been writing since I was 8 years old and have been producing characters as a result. I too have come across people that strike a chord with me in both appearance and personality.
This piece is captivating from the start. The author demonstrates a splendid vocabulary that is appropriate and even relevant to what is going on at the time. That being said, this is probably a draft, and there are a few sentences that are awkward and occasionally avert the reader's attention from an otherwise entrancing tale.
All in all, good work!
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