Andreas waits to have his newborn in the world. This would normally be a joyful moment, only no emotion can be shown. They go through the ceremony and he has the child.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Good details and I get the feeling everything had to be done emotionless. There is the sacrifice of bringing new life into the world. I could see vampires doing this at that time period. Keep on writing!
The night is cool, but every soft touch brings warmth. The romance is well thought out and consistently shown through the details. I noticed there is rhyming involved as well. The lovers stand beneath the Brooklyn Bridge.
Contents:
The feeling of warmth flows through the love the character feels despite the cool night.
The character is focused on the person he loves and thinking in the moment.
What I like:
"A perfect night, a night of bliss,"
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion:
Good job. The writing shows the perspective of the lover and how he felt being with his other underneath the Brooklin Bridge. Keep up the good work!
I like how Carole sticks to her dream of eating continuously, even if it meant getting into trouble with her work. Just wishing upon a star made a difference in bringing her dream to reality. The entire story is very short and to the point.
Contents:
Carole sticks to her dream of eating continuously. It is consistent throughout the story as her dream becomes a reality.
Carole is tired of her everyday life and longs to have her dream being made into a reality. She gets excited when her dreams becomes a reality.
Follow your heart and passion and not give up.
This takes place in a town from Carole's work, to her drive home, and then the food court and cake shop. The setting is consistent.
Carole is driven by her dream of eating continuously with a passion. She has one goal in mind.
What I like:
Carole's dream becomes a reality when she becomes the blobwoman.
Suggestions:
Maybe add the scene of Carole taking half the donuts before chapter 1 to add suspense.
Add more emotion in some areas, like showing eagerness to eat more.
Chapter 1: "'Don't you give me your old sweet talk trick'" needs a comma at end
Chapter 1: "'...I'll achieve my dream in one way or another'" add a . in end
Chapter 1: "'I wish there was someway...'" somehow (unless it's a word in British English too)
Chapter 1: "'...that I could just eat all the time'" needs . at end
Chapter 2: "'...I should've known it was only a fantasy'" needs . at end
Chapter 3: "'...This is amazing!!!', 'I'm becoming Carole 2.0'" remove the comma between amazing and I'm and put comma after 2.0
Chapter 4: "'...That's so cool'" add . or ! after cool
Chapter 5: "'... as I’ve not been here a while'" add . after while
Chapter 5: "'...what you’ve given me master'" add , after master
Chapter 6: "'...that massive behind I’d developed'" add , after developed
Chapter 6: "'... worth it “Thank you master for everything that you’ve given me'" add . after it and me
Chapter 6: "'...whatever I want like this'" add . after this
Chapter 6: "'... that there’s a new girl in town.... add " after town
Overall Opinion:
This story shows a lot of potential. Instead of being the point of view of a villain, Carole is the main character and society being against her instead. I think more emotional details could really make her stand out. Great work!
A puppeteer fell in love with the president and then a pandemic struck the country with jeopardized the president's marriage. I think this story is well thought out and had a happy ending in the end. The twist, in the end, was pulled off really well.
Contents:
Victoria works with puppets and stood up for the president no matter what happened. The views and scenes flowed smoothly from one transaction to another.
There was love in the air for Victoria and, when she pushed that aside, it turned out the president loved her too.
When the pandemic struck, love stood all the way through.
What I like:
Victoria became a First Lady in the end.
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
The story turned out to be interesting and the obstacles that occurred when the pandemic struck were clear. Victoria is a good character who ended up having her dreams come true. Good job!
The feel of magicians and ghosts communicating to each other is consistent through the various forms of poems grouped into one poem. I like the mystery it shows as the tarot cards seem to have an important influence on the speaker.
Contents:
Made of different poems and sayings and consistent with the voice.
An eerie feeling as the description could represent a witch or a ghost, depending on the speaker.
What I like: The clever use of words written backwards before forwards at one point like a tarot card reading.
"The past is a phantom/ the future a siren..."
Suggestions:
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Nice job with this poem. The use of different poems and saying is well done. The mystery of the tarot cards is intriguing. There is a lot to be explored.
I got lots of novels and have started practicing beta reading other books... I'm just at the beginner level! Never been dedicated to editing extensively after writing before (writing pattern going by November- write. December to October- procrastinate.) I am practicing. A set up of peers giving feedback to each other over novels would be perfect! Keep up the good work!
Great job with this story. The process of becoming a writer is detailed nicely starting from the calling to write to actually becoming an author. This story makes an inspiration for others who might consider the answer to the calling to write. God works in mysterious ways. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This poem is unique from the others as it focuses on the results of sin. Where wickedness will one day be. It's crushing for many but it's true. This is the direction everyone is headed. But forgiveness is our way out.
Contents: The wicked are heartless and cast out of the real world. As this happens light becomes darkness. Where they enter netherworld, watch out for evil twins.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good job! I consider this a darker kind of poem but you pulled it off well. That verse is very direct and to the point and the message that verse had came through in this poem. Keep up the good work!
Comments: I would love to mess around with the computer more in doing graphic designing too. Great watercolor to use is Windsor and Newton. (Sp the name since phone auto is finicky) Seems like about you and about me would match in a way. I need practice and a good program with most consistent writing being the month of November. Every word counts.
Content: "Who am I?" A Peron who loves gazing at the doves. Graphic Artist who uses watercolor. A poemist who writes daily. The more I do, the better I get.
Spelling/grammar: "And the mourning doves" Are you sure about this spelling or did you mean morning?
Overall Comments: Good poem! You describe what you like to do nicely and paint a picture. These are fun things to do. Keep up the good work!
Content: This one got me to thinking more as I imagine the red flowers resembling how reality is around us and the masks resembling what we use to try to blend in with the rest of society even though we're different.
Content: White masks lay in the garden of red flowers. The speaker loses the sense of importance in life and everything around gets in the way. Preparing for how things should be, others come along.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good poem. Visualizing white masks among red flowers and comparing it to life in reality is a tough thing to do. I think you pulled it off. Keep up the good work!
Comments: Lovely places picked, especially during the summertime when outside can be enjoyed day or night. Perfect use of the prompt. A beach would be a dream to go to.
Content: Where do I dream? A beach in Oregon where puffiness roam. What's another place? The East coast where I have not gone before. Which ocean? The East or the West. I pick East since beauty is plentiful.
Spelling/Grammar: No errors found.
Overall Comments: Good poem! I am thinking of West since it can be warmer there and East looks cold. Either way, I've never seen the ocean before (unless it was seen from a plane ride to California and I was too young to see through the window. Lol). These descriptions of it sounds great. Keep up the good work!
Comments: Franze is a new word for me but would fit Grumpy perfectly. This man might be just that since the Christians of the other boats are interfering with his mooning. Still would be scary to encounter a devil.
Contents: Devils' Moon River Express is a place to be mooned by a devil. A man keeps on mooning but the Christians of the other boats keep on praying. Their prayers keep interrupting his plans and he keeps being grumpy.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Good job. Though it sounds like this man isn't going to get what he wants to get, apparently he's in the right spot for his plans. The express sounds like a scary place to be with devils lurking about. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This one is funny. Why in a pillow? I don't know the answer either. Hopefully, the billow doesn't get too tight around you.
Contents: The answer for the question "Why am I in a pillow?" soon draws attention to a billow wrapping around the speaker and the speaker still befuddled over the answer to the question.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Good work. I have no clue what the answer will be but neither will I figure it out. Hopefully, the billow stays loose. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This captures a sacred moment in time. Not just one, but two! How much pain labor brought I have no clue, but the results are amazing enough. A memory captured in a poem is a nice way to go back year after year as the children grow up and be good to pass onto them when they're old enough.
Contents: First sign meant a call to the doctor and a trip to the hospital. After a waiting period, the labor started and the twins were born. The first one looked like mommy and the second one looked like daddy. A special bond had developed before their births.
Spelling/Grammar:That they recognized our voiced after delivery I think our voices after makes more sense here. Unless a recording of your voices was done and tested on them.
Overall Opinion: Good job! It's such a joyful moment to welcome children into our world so that they can learn to live under God's image. Keep up the good work!
Comments: The perspective of the poem told by a bird is unique. It's the hazel colored eye enabling the bird to see its surroundings and be able to interact with you. The flight through the air, tree, and window seems to be the bird's favorite places. The eyes sees everything.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great job with this poem. It describes what the bird sees through action very well. I enjoyed reading this poem. Keep up the good work!
What a twist with the ending- the proposal to a wife to be a best friend instead of his wife. She must have been shocked about what he just did. I think there may be some passive areas to fix. Often was/is indicates passive. No grammar or spelling errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
Comments: The short description is interesting and makes me want to read it all and find out if she learns of her past. First-person POV is interesting and possible to use effectively to tell the story. The girl seems like she never had any contact with others before until that boy came into her life. The event leaves questions like what will she do next and would there be anything exciting happen?
Suggestions: The new paragraphs could all have a space in between instead of them running together. If you were indenting then the indents don't show unless to enter {indent}.
Overall Opinion: Good work with this story. I enjoyed how she saved the boy from the semi-truck. I wonder if they'll meet again later on in the story and if her past will be discovered. Keep up the good work!
Comments: This poem gives a grip of uneasiness and not so pleasant feelings at first. It's like something bad happened and it stopped time in its track, even though time continues on.
Spelling/Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors found.
Overall Opinion: Great way to conjure up images of fallen hope. As in the fall is about to come and hit. Hearing a drum is usually fun but this isn't the case. Good job and keep up the good work!
Great job making it to the milestone of 1,000 reviews. That achievement I accomplished yesterday myself. We both have something to brag about. There are people out there that gives us wonderful reviews. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
From age 1 to age 95 we go through a lot of things. Good job with this poem. It's interesting to see how things change the older we grow. Looks like you chose living it up, but going older as you go down. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
Good poem. It describes a relationship that is separated by distance yet have a few brief moments together with each other. The speaker has moments of enjoyment with her. The memories are great. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
Your poem shows expectations about the qualities of a man. A man you can count on because he is true to his words and have met high standards. It does answer the question very well. I see no spelling or grammar errors. Good job and keep up the good work!
This looks like a great area to help with the editing process. I see a variety of assignments available to follow. It might take me more than a month to complete all of the assignments in reality. My books are fairly long to keep track of all the points. No spelling or grammar errors found. Good job and keep up the good work!
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Andreas waits to have his newborn in the world. This would normally be a joyful moment, only no emotion can be shown. They go through the ceremony and he has the child.
No spelling or grammar errors found.
Good details and I get the feeling everything had to be done emotionless. There is the sacrifice of bringing new life into the world. I could see vampires doing this at that time period. Keep on writing!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
The feeling of warmth flows through the love the character feels despite the cool night.
The character is focused on the person he loves and thinking in the moment.
"A perfect night, a night of bliss,"
Carole sticks to her dream of eating continuously. It is consistent throughout the story as her dream becomes a reality.
Follow your heart and passion and not give up.
This takes place in a town from Carole's work, to her drive home, and then the food court and cake shop. The setting is consistent.
Maybe add the scene of Carole taking half the donuts before chapter 1 to add suspense.
Never been dedicated to editing extensively after writing before (writing pattern going by November- write. December to October- procrastinate.) I am practicing. A set up of peers giving feedback to each other over novels would be perfect! Keep up the good work!
