I really enjoyed this Rhyssa. The introspection, the questions yet wrapped within hidden answers. And the construction works well - often this kind of spacing is superfluous, but it makes the poem flow here.
I especially liked the phrasing of:
sometimes I think
the most valuable touches
were left by those
who didn’t even notice
I loved this poem Bikerider. You have a way of putting your reader directly in the moment, so much so that as I read I could feel the rain drops falling on my head and shoulders. In a situation that could be seen as a dreary, unfulfilled moment you made it a joyful day, turning gloom into glee. If the reader can relate and see beyond the surface, this poem can reflect many other situations and apply to more than just a fishing day. Kudos!
My only suggestion/question is concerning the third line of the second verse, "The sun came out, then, in a game" - Did the sun then disappear? If it stayed with the rain, was there a rainbow in the clouds, or did the sun peek out only to give way to the rain again? Please know that I only ask this as a curiosity, I loved the poem and I would not suggest changing the feel of it. It drew me in and I desire to hear more.
This poem has the potential to be put to music; I could almost hear the melody floating through the air. If you ever decide to make it a song I would love to hear it! I look forward to reading more of your work.
This story really spoke to me on many levels DRSmith. Your characterization is excellent; I feel as if I have known Moses for years and he is standing right in front of me. Your attention to detail is much appreciated, especially for someone like myself who is unfamiliar with the field of horse racing. This is obviously either a hobby of yours or you are exceptional with researching your subject matter.
Though only mentioned in the beginning and ending of the story the imagery and philosophy of the raindrops stands out like a beacon. What a great way to view life and those who intersect it! The merging of water droplets, sliding down a windowpane to either meet with others or to break away and continue the path on their own, and who knows which path it will be for each of us?
I greatly enjoyed reading this short story and look forward to reviewing more of your work.
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