Interesting viewpoint on being alone or participation in the world of others. Liked the progression down the poem drawing the reader in. Great work. Keep writing.
A great form for a prayer to those overcome by darkness. The imagery is well done with its flow through what the evil people do to themselves and the innocent. The close holding a way out for those sinning with your own prayers works as a statement of faith.
Mechanically the structure is natural rhymes seem unforced.
Well done keep writing.
This poem is a fine evocation of a time and a place through images of childhood. The focus on the home of childhood triggers the reader's own memories of his or her own past.
Structure and word choice work well to meet the poem's purposes.
Great work -- keep writing.
Mouser.
I like this piece. The opening use of imagery creates a time and a place most can relate to well. The building from the storm to the personal is well developed. Capturing a moment is tough and well executed.
Mechanically the structure and word choice add and compliment the content.
Keep Writing!
I enjoyed the poem for its subject, but also for the word choice. The flowing structure descending draws the eye of the reader along through a tough subject. Having worked for several years in an Emergency Department long ago and seen too much death up close it resonated with me particularly, having seen also the brave and generous smiles along the way as well.
A great short piece -- evocative and descriptive enough to create scenes along the way. Story telling in this format is tough but it is managed well. The lost and found aspect ties the tale together great from beginning to end.
Great work. Keep writing.
Great piece. I loved the imagery, as horrific as it was, as an element in the tale telling it worked powerfully. There are elements in our history as a nation that must never be forgotten, from massacres to destruction of habitat -- there are lessons we must not flinch from however painful and shameful least we forget.
A thoughtful, well structured piece.
Keep writing.
Great work. It carries the reader through the initial erotic notions, through passion to the peace and simple joys of being together. The word choice is a wonderful collage of the range of feelings emotional and physical of true lovers.
Keep writing.
Great Poem. The structure and flow work well to carry the work along. The imagery and exploration of the emotions of the narrator as the realization of the one sided nature of the growing love is going nowhere for the narrator.
Great Work - Keep writing!
Merry Christmas.
Mouser
Great piece! The word choice and rhythm build the tension throughout. The content seeming to be a cruel seduction is excellent. The step by step revelation of the narrator's inability to defend herself from the rogue manipulator is wonderfully handled and the twist at the end was a delight.
Great work
and Merry Christmas!
Mouser
Great piece. The word choice and flow work great. The imagery is the strength throughout carrying the reader. The overall impression of the poem is a great example of saying the most with carefully chosen words.
Excellent work!
Keep writing.
Mouser
A fun piece. Word chose and flow worked well throughout. The imagery was excellent. The overall development of the fire ants as the heroes of the tale and their tensions and goals is well executed. The development of emotional tension was satisfying as well, complete with resolution.
Keep writing!
Mouser
Interesting poem. I liked the word choice and flow throughout. The rhythm and rhyme worked well and was unforced. The content's describing the building of a tale works well as the subject for this particular tale. Overall an enjoyable read.
Keep writing!
Mouser
Great piece. The word choice and flow are well executed. Rhythm and structure enhance the poem throughout. The imagery - the "snapshots" of the description are strong and build the emotional tale throughout. Overall a strong tale in twenty lines.
Well done! Keep writing.
Mouser
Good work. The word choice and flow of the piece are well done. The rhythm and structure of the poem draw the reader through it and aid in the poem's emotional content. The imagery enhances the piece as well.
Overall good poem. Keep writing!
Mouser
Great piece. The word choice and flow of the piece carry the reader through to the end well. The imagery and emotion of the poem are its greatest strength. They draw the reader powerfully into the mind and heart of the narrator.
Keep writing!
Mouser
Good work. The word choice and flow of the piece work well. The rhythm and rhyme enhance the piece and never seems forced. The imagery and the ruminations of the narrator merge well to carry the poem to its close. The obvious care of the piece is a demonstration of poetry's demand that every word be the right one.
Keep writing!
Mouser
Great work. The word choice and flow worked well to maintain the tension. The narrative voice of the tale was well developed as well - a narrator not as detached as he might be. The growing fear and darkness of the piece led naturally to the end.
Excellent piece. Keep writing!
Mouser
Good work. The word choice and rhythm of the piece work very well to carry the poem forward. The imagery is excellent creating scenes and the reality of the siren song to the poet. Overall a well executed poem drawing the reader to see through the narrator's eyes.
Keep Writing!
Mouser
Great piece. I am unfamiliar with the form but the structure works to enhance the piece. The word choice and flow was good and the imagery was excellent. A tale of emotional life in nine lines is a great accomplishment.
Great work and keeping writing!
Mouser
Great Work! I liked the rhythm and flow of the piece and the word choice worked well in that context. Because of the highlighted words I assume they were required for a contest - and your use of them fit great in the work. Overall it was the imagery which caught my attention and worked best in carrying the poem through.
Keep writing!
Mouser
Great work. The word choice and rhythm kept the poem consistent throughout. I can definitely can relate to the subject - as can most writers. The poem also reflects the other definition of poetry - in expressing a feeling or idea in a minimum of carefully chosen words.
Keep writing!
Great work. The imagery and pathos were well executed. The word count and time limit on the for the contest are tough - I know from personal experience. The emotional voice pushes the tale relentlessly, accomplishing your goal: a life lost before its actual ending.
Keep writing!
Great work. I was unfamiliar with the form, but the rhythm works by the syllabic poem standards you mentioned. The word choice and imagery are excellent. Overall I love the piece for its evocative nature in the concise constraints of the form.
Keep writing.
I really liked this poem. It works as poetry, and as does the imagery and word choice. Capturing the spirit of the achievement of the famous scenes and the plaque "...in Peace for all Mankind." as well as Armstrong's manual and mental feat in landing.
Great work and keep writing!
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